There's Hope in the Darkness
by KristineMcCarty
Summary: A heartbroken Bella flings herself into a relationship with Jacob after Edward leaves. Three years later, she's living a dangerously precarious life. Her daily ambition simply to avoid being the target of Jacob's fury. Full Summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

**[**A heartbroken Bella flings herself into a relationship with Jacob after Edward leaves. Three years later, she's living a dangerously precarious life. Her daily ambition simply to avoid being the target of Jacob's fury. When the Cullen's mysteriously reappear suddenly in Forks, bringing with them her bronze haired lost love, will it be enough to awaken the girl she used to be and get away? Or has the years living without him and fighting for survival against Jacob's rage broken her spirit once and for all?**]**  
**  
Disclaimer: You know the drill. I own nothing but an iPod and a Blackberry. All credit goes to SM. I'm just her humble servant. And by humble servant, I mean, I'm completely obsessed with her characters.**

**Would you mind if I killed you?  
Would you mind if I tried to cause you hell?  
Cause you have turned into my worst enemy  
You carry hate that I don't feel  
It's over now  
What have you done now?**

**- _What Have You Done Now _- Within Temptation.  
**

* * *

He was sleeping now, she was sure of this. Still, she laid silently beside him with bated breath, sure that he was bound to wake up the minute she let out close to a lung full of air. Her body was stiff from laying so still for so long, the muscles in her legs screamed for movement, begged for release from their catatonic state. She painfully ignored the urge to even flex her toes, afraid the slightest movement would jar him, causing him to snap awake.

She waited on pins and needles for what seemed like hours, though, according to the small analog clock she had shared a room with since she was a small girl on her left, it had only been a half an hour. He was sleeping like the dead for certain, she knew. She was well versed after the past three years in all things Jacob. She had to be. It was imperative to her survival that she knew everything about him, down to the tiniest things that made him tick.

Slowly and painstakingly, she eased herself out of the large four poster bed she shared with the monster she had once loved, or perhaps had trained herself into believing she loved. Ignoring her lead filled sleeping legs and the painful burning in between them, she headed shuffling towards the door. She stopped only long enough to grab her pink terry clothed robe from the vanity stool.

Fortunately, the bedroom door stood wide open from earlier in the evening when Jacob had barged in. She was grateful. The nights when she had to agonize over getting the door both open and closed again without rousing him were easily the most stressful. Tonight, at the very least, she only had to worry about easing the door closed.

Careful to lift up slightly on the handle half way through the act of shutting it, she managed to get the door closed behind her without Jacob stirring. She stood in the hallway for a moment, long enough to allow herself to breath a soft sigh of relief, slip her robe on, wincing slightly at the soreness in her elbow, and grant her eyes the time to adjust to the harsh lights.

Fate was taking pity on her tonight, it would appear. Not only had Jacob left the door open, but he had also neglected to turn off the lights throughout their modest ranch house. Now she didn't have to worry about setting to her task in the darkness nor risk turning on anything that would cause him to awaken.

It was such a silly thing to acquire a fresh batch of bruises over, light filtering in under the door, but lesser things had set him off in the past. Lesser things set him off now.

She cautiously padded down the long hall towards the living room, wary of what she'd find once she got there. Everything inside of her begged for her to wait until morning. Everything that was, except for the part that knew best, her head. If she waited till morning, she risked Jacob waking before her and seeing the mess. He'd ask her what had happened, feigning ignorance, and if she was stupid enough to tell him, his ignorant façade would slip. She shuddered. She'd made that mistake before. No, it was better to clean it up now. She'd have to anyways and this way she could also escape the charade come morning.

She sighed once she arrived at the living room, staring around at the destruction with disbelief.

Once upon a time, she would've almost lovingly said that Jacob and alcohol didn't mix. Those were the days she was still deeply in denial. These days she knew the truth. Jacob and alcohol were a lethal combination. Throw his friends in that twisted combination and all out chaos followed closely in their wake.

Hours earlier, the boys from the "rez" had come over for a game, since she and Jacob had the best TV out of the bunch. After banishing her to the bedroom, Jacob and his friends had wasted no time in getting rip roaring drunk, and apparently as the excitement of the game took over, things had gotten rowdy as usual. Tables were now overturned, the couch cushions were astray, and there was chips and beer strewn everywhere.

Not for the first time, she was thankful they didn't have children. Thankful, in a sick way, that night long ago had taken place. This would be all that much more difficult with the addition of children.

She hurried to complete the task at hand, wanting nothing more to get it done, slip in the guest bathroom, take a quick shower and get to bed. She was worn out, her body was screaming in protest at her every movement, and she could feel the despair creeping in on her steadily.

Halfway through her hasty clean up job, her gaze was pulled to a pile of broken glass. The color was sickeningly familiar, bronze and pale. She moved closer, unconscious of her actions. Recognition dawned on her, despair seeping in on her tenfold.

Staring at the broken porcelain angel, the one that had reminded her so much of _him, _she felt something inside her snap.

* * *

**A/N:**

**You have NO idea how much it pained me to do this to Jacob. I love me some Jacob. *sigh***

Cookies in the shape of your favorite Cullen for those that take the time to review.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: If I owned Twilight, or any of it's characters, I would NOT be writing this little piece of fanfiction, now would I?**

**Such a lonely day  
Shouldn't exist  
It's a day that I'll never miss.**

**Such a lonely day  
And it's mine  
The most loneliest day of my life.**

**-_Lonely Day_ - System of a Down.  
**

**

* * *

  
**

She slowly made her way back towards the spare bedroom, her insides seething, churning with rage. Somewhere deep down, she knew better than to be shocked by Jacob's drunken aggression towards that angelic figurine. He had hated it on sight, for the very same reasons she, herself, had loved it. They were both painfully aware of who it reminded them of. Painfully in two separate uses of the word, of course.

Masochistically, she had kept it, placing it on the mantle where her eyes couldn't help but be drawn to it every time she entered the room. After awhile, she almost relished the feeling of a wound reopening within her chest every time she glanced it's way, which was quite often. It was her only reminder of _him_, and as desperately as she wanted to forget he had ever existed, just as desperately, she yearned to remember every detail in painstaking clarity.

True to his word, she had neither seen hide nor hair of _him_ since that nightmarish day in the woods behind her house. He had been careful to make sure there wasn't even proof of his existence. There were many days that she had often wondered if it had all just been a dream. After all, she had always been a very vivid dreamer. If it wasn't for the scar located on her arm, concrete proof of the events that had taken place on her 18th birthday, and the OTHER scar, the one that seemed to feel just a few degrees cooler than the rest of her body, she may have gone on believing just that. Just an exquisite dream with a horrifyingly painful ending.

But now, now that the visual reminder of _him_ was gone, now that the scars were the only thing she had left, (and quite honestly, what was two scars compared to the others her body was now riddled with?) what did she truly have to assist her in remembering everything with infallible clarity?

She flipped on the light in the spare room. The room in happier and more delusional times that would have served as a nursery. She shook head as if to clear that thought immediately. It did no good remembering those things. She was neither happy nor delusional anymore. She was all too aware of how her life really was. She didn't bother to close the door behind her, to conceal her actions from the precariously sleeping Jacob. Perhaps, she'd later speculate, seeing that broken angel on the floor had released a sort of reckless abandon within her. Maybe, and more likely, she had just placed much faith in the alcohol that held Jacob in that comatose state. Either way, shutting that door would be insinuating that she cared if he found out what she was doing, and that was the very last thing she was concerned over at this point.

Instead, she went straight for closet, bypassing the luggage set she and Jacob had purchased together a year ago for a failed trip to Rio. ("_The pack needs me_," he had explained. "_Just because I don't live on the Rez anymore doesn't mean I don't have a duty to my people._") She reached for her old duffel bag, doing her best to ignore the memories it was plagued with.

Crossing over to the dresser on the other side of the room after depositing the bag on the double bed, she began opening drawers, retrieving the extra clothes and necessities she kept in there just for this occasion. Part of her, the foolish part, wanted nothing more than to find a baseball bat, take it in the room where Jacob was passed out, and beat his slumbering body until he felt a fraction of the pain he had inflicted on her for all these years. The sensible part, the part that kept her alive she was sure, knew that it was better to just pack her bag, and leave. Take the cash she had religiously hid away, and make her way... somewhere. She wasn't sure where yet, but anywhere would suffice at this point.

She was consumed in her task, transferring those clothes to the rapidly filling bag on the bed, and thinking of the things she'd have to do before she left. Come morning, she would see the fault in this, she'd wish that she had paid a little more attention to her surroundings. In that moment though, she was preoccupied, something filling her heart that seemed dangerously close to hope, though not close enough to actually be called hope.

She finished packing her bag with her essentials, and zipped it up, taking just a moment to admire her handiwork. Grabbing a set of clothes that she had laid next to the bag, she slowly removed her robe, careful to not agitate her still sore elbow. Pulling on the jeans and making quick work to fasten them, she reached for the hoodie, her hand stopping halfway there abruptly.

"Going somewhere, dear?" Came the rough voice from the door to the room.

Slowly she turned around, cursing herself internally for the look of shock that was no doubt on her face.

Standing there, filling up the doorway, stood Jacob, clad in only a pair of plaid boxers. The air around him quivering..

* * *

**A/N:** Again, Cookies in the shape of your favorite Cullen for those that take the time to review.


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: SM IS LORD OF ALL THINGS TWILIGHT. I'M NOT EVEN WORTHY ENOUGH TO BE A DISCIPLE. **

**I climb, I slip, I fall  
Reaching for your hands  
But I lay here all alone  
Sweating all your blood**

**If I can find out how  
To make you listen now  
Because I'm starving for you here  
With my undying breath and I, I will**

**Breathe for love tomorrow  
because there's no hope for today.  
Breathe for love tomorrow  
maybe there's another way.**

**- _Until Tomorrow_ - Paramore.**

* * *

The sunlight streamed in through the large window, filtered only slightly by the sheer curtains hanging across it. Spilling across the refinished wooden floors, it climbed the large bed with ease, falling across its only occupant's face, waking her as effectively and thoroughly as a boisterous alarm clock.

Hesitantly, she opened her eyes, careful to take note of her surroundings before committing herself to the land of the living. Seeing nothing and hearing even less, she gingerly stretched her legs, cringing only slightly at the pain the movement caused. She hurt everywhere, down the very tips of her hair, it seemed.

She wasn't entirely sure how she came to find herself back in this wretched bed, nor could she remember in detail the events of last night after Jacob had caught her in the spare bedroom plotting her untimely escape.

After a quick assessment of her body by peeking under the covers (_checking inventory_, she thought bitterly) it was easy to determine he had managed to stop himself before he phased.

Thank God for little miracles.

Sam had been on him for some time now to gain better control of himself, claiming he just would not tolerate a lapse in judgment (_like last time_, she forced herself to think.) As Sam was the Alpha, Jacob was forced into obedience.

Looks like it was working, at least.

Convinced Jacob was now at work, or where ever it was he went during the day anyway, she carefully eased herself out of bed, stopping suddenly when she heard the slight tinkling of glass near her feet. There on the comforter, mostly in Jacob's spot, was the shards she failed to pick up the night before.

Tears prickled behind her eyes at the sight of bronze. Gone was the feeling of desperation to escape, the feeling of being done with the whole situation. All the was left was just pure and raw defeat.

Jacob had left an effective reminder of everything that had happened the night before, even if she couldn't remember exactly what took place. The message was loud and clear. Such a thoughtful young man he had turned out to be.

Brushing the pieces aside, she finished climbing out of bed, and slipped on her robe that had been haphazardly thrown on the floor. She stared longingly at the attached bathroom door as she passed it, thinking how good a hot shower would feel on her aching muscles. She'd see to that after she saw to the rest of her house. Damage control.

But the rest of the house was spotless, she seen as she made her way through it slowly. Everything was in place where she left it last night, aside from those broken pieces now laying in her bed. Making her way into the kitchen, she spotted a note on the counter next to the coffee pot.

_Angela called. She's back in town and wants to meet up.  
Numbers by the phone, just try to be home before I am.  
Love, J._

She stared at Jacob's familiar handwriting for a moment. '_Just try to be home before I am,_' he said. No doubt that was his idea of making up for the previous night's events. Not giving her an exact curfew, just a vague one. At least the effort was being made, she mused.

And she would go see Angela, she decided. She would go out, have fun, act like she was a normal person. And since Jacob was almost admitting he was in the wrong, maybe things would be different when she got home. She could hope at least, right?

Because nothing was wrong with hoping.

Turning back towards the bedroom to take her shower, a small smile graced her lips.

Nothing was wrong with hoping at all.

* * *

**A/N**: I got some pretty amazing reviews, I must say, and quite a few alerts which totally encouraged me to keep trucking along with this. Sorry for the slight delay in chapters and the shortness of this one, however due to my AMAZING beta (whom I just happen to be honored to know out here in the ugly real world) Chapter 4 should be up in the next day or so.

If Reading = Love.  
Reviews = Sex.


	4. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: SM..YADA YADA.. TWILIGHT.. YADA YADA.. ME.. NADA.

**I know you didn't bring me out here to drown  
So why am I ten feet under and upside down?  
Barely surviving has become my purpose  
Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface.**

**- Storm - Lifehouse.**

* * *

Long ago, she trained herself to refrain from glancing at her reflection in the full-length mirror located just inside the bathroom door. Looking in it only confirmed what she was already aware of, all TOO aware of. The girl she was now was not the same girl she was a year ago, let alone three years ago.

She longed to be that girl.

Instead of gazing at that all too visible and painful reminder, she side stepped the mirror and made her way to the large shower Jacob had custom made to fit his large frame. She fiddled with the temperature of the water until it was just right. It was a careful process, ensuring the heat from the water wasn't enough to scald her flesh clear off her bones. Due to Jacob's "nature", a normal water heater just wouldn't suffice. Doesn't get hot enough, he had explained somewhat patiently to her when he was having the bathroom redone. Of course not. Not to someone whose average body temperature ran a good 10 degrees higher than the rest of the human population. So in came that special water heater, industrial sized, that had no problem what so ever achieving the base heat of roughly hell status.

Stepping into the steam enclosed cubicle, (cubicle, of course, being a fair understatement) she took her time letting the water do its magic on her muscles. Perversely, she bit back the urge to turn the left knob all the way to the right, cutting off the heat and allowing the cold to envelope her. It did no good to entertain thoughts like that.

She shook her head, feeling her long hair tickle across her lower back.

It did no good at all.

Chagrined, she reached for the bar of soap in its holder in front of her, wrinkling her nose in disgust at the stray hairs littering the top. How hard was it exactly for him to use a washcloth, or his hand for that matter? Rather than the actual bar of soap straight on his body? It wasn't as if she didn't deal with his filth enough without the evidence of it being located on what she used to clean herself of it.

Throwing the soap back into the dish, she reached for her body wash, trying not to think of why she still bought freesia scented after all these years. Pouring a little out on her cloth (like any decent person would do), she set to work doing her best to clean off all reminders of a drunken Jacob.

It was slow and methodical work, and somewhere deep down, she enjoyed it, even through the occasional stab of pain brought on by her actions. Enjoyed the sensation of wiping the slate clean. Sure, it might find itself marred up again eventually, but for now, at least, the sins, whether they be hers or Jacob's, were wiped clean.

That deadly emotion, Hope, threatened to fill her again, as it often did during this part of her routine.

She kept on cleaning, wiping the upper body slate clean, letting the hope fill her with every pass of the cloth, until she felt as though the body wash did it's intended purpose. She rinsed herself off, relishing the way the hot water and smell of freesia made her feel.

Taking the time to lather up her hair with her favorite shampoo, strawberry scented, still and always, she started on her lower body, careful to finish the job just as thoroughly as she started it. This part was crucial, lest she feel unclean for the remainder of the day.

All was well, until she reached the junction in between her legs, that is. It was painfully sore. As she bit her lip and continued her job, a dull burning set in.

It was just too much.

The heat of the water (had it grown hotter?) was too much like Jacob's body, grunting, sweat gleaming off his chest, on top of her. The smell of freesia was gone, replaced by the harsh smells of beer and liquor burning her nostrils as he spoke harshly in her ear in ragged breaths.

("_You're not going anywhere until I say you can_.")

While the shower was large, the steam now gave it a suffocating feel. As though she was trapped in all that heat, trapped in an inferno.

("_Leaving me for him? He didn't want you then - he won't want you now._")

And the burning between her legs served as a far better reminder of what had happened last night, and many nights before, than that damned shattered porcelain angel had this morning upon waking.

("_Do you like this? Tell me. I know you do._")

She was on the ground.

The tiles biting into her underside, knees hugged to her chest, sweat, tears, and scalding water mingling and mixing on her face, making it impossible to see.

She rose on shaking legs, trying her hardest not to think about what had happened, or how long she had spent huddled in the corner of the shower. Quickly she turned the knobs, cutting off the water and stepped out on to the rug, wrapping her body in a large fluffy towel.

She was exhausted now. Though she wanted nothing more than to crawl back in bed, she made her way through the bedroom and back down the hall towards the rest of the house. She was going to call Angela, she was going to go out, and she was going to act like a normal person, dammit. If that episode in the shower proved nothing else, it showed her how badly she needed to get out for just a little while. Clear her head.

Before she reached the kitchen, where Jacob had placed Angela's number for safe keeping, the phone began to ring. Sprinting the rest of the way to the phone where it sat in its cradle, she snatched it up, half expecting her mother to answer her breathless "hello?". It had been about 3 weeks since she had spoken to her, she was due her mandatory 15 minutes to pretend they were still as close as they had always been.

_"Bella, is that you?"_ asked a voice she couldn't quite place, instead.

"Erm, it is," She answered, trying hard to match the voice with a face.

_"Hey! It's Angela! Did you get my message from Jacob?"_

She pushed back the feelings of embarrassment at not being able to recognize her friend's voice from straight away. "I did! I was just getting ready to call you back, actually. You still want to meet somewhere?"

Was she over doing it? She hoped not.

_"Absolutely! Port Angeles at two okay? I really want to do some shopping too,"_ Bella bit back a groan, _"Would that give you enough time?"_

She glanced at the clock on the stove, it was just after 11 now.

"Sure! Where do you want to meet?" She answered brightly. More brightly than she felt.

_"You okay with eating somewhere first?"_ Always considerate, that Angela.

"That's fine. We can meet at the restaurant if you'd like. Where did you have in mind?"

And somehow, she knew - before the question fully left her mouth. She knew the answer in the same way some people get a feeling right before they are in a terrible accident.

_"How about La Bella Italia? It's been ages since I've been there!"_

She nodded. She nodded because she had known. With her mouth, she agreed with Angela, and promised to meet her there promptly at 2.

In her mind, she thought bitterly: 'You and me both.'

* * *

**AN:**

**Once again, major props to my bestie beta, whose late nights, patient editing skillz and dedicated suggestions have turned this story from sub par at best, to slightly above mediocre. She deserves medals. Gold, shiny ones. And a couple of stickers. Sparkly stickers.**

**If reading = love.  
reviews = sex.**

**Though, I'm not quite desperate enough to sell my body for reviews yet.. but you get the idea.**


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER: SM OWNS TWILIGHT. I JUST TORTURE HER CHARACTERS A LITTLE.**

**A/N: **So because I'm an eager, impatient kinda gal - I'm posting this chapter before my darling beta has had so much as a peek at its final contents. Forgive any minor mishaps you come across and keep in mind that I'm going off of a good 24 hours sans sleep. If you catch anything, feel free to shoot me a line letting me know, and I'll go back and fix it. I promise I was just out for a quick update and not to make your eyes bleed profusely at my complete slaughter of the English language.

**I try to make it through my life  
In my way  
There's you  
I try to make it through these lies  
That's all I do**

**- _I Don't Care_ - Apocalyptica **

* * *

She ended up running late.

Standing right outside La Bella Italia, she found herself glaring angrily at the doors, reluctant to even touch their handles. No doubt they led to nothing more than a breeding ground of painful memories.

Anger was good. It was safe. And up until last night, it was the most powerful emotion since - well, since she could remember clearly. At least since -

No. Now was not the time for that.

Anger was much safer. The other led into the danger zone.

She was angry, damn it, and she was going to stick to that. She was angry at these doors and at this restaurant for harboring demons that took the form of bittersweet memories, and she was angry at herself for agreeing to come here.

But most of all, she was angry at him. For leaving. For doing this to her. Because if she could be angry at him, and if she could blame him, she could possibly stop blaming herself.

She focused her gaze on her reflection in the windows for a moment.

Earlier, after hanging up with Angela, she had rushed back to the bathroom, not exactly excited about this next part of her routine, but determinedly resigned to it.

Opening her heaping drawer of products, she fished around for her green concealer.

(_Green?_ She once would have asked herself in a bemused sort of way. _Who in the hell uses green? Are there martians running around here in dire need of a concealer stick?_)

Staring at herself in the mirror hanging above the vanity, her brow furrowed slightly, she started on her face, applying it where ever an angry looking mark caught her now well-trained eye. Using a liberal amount, she worked her way down to her arms, careful to cover every thing in between.

"When am I going to wise up and start buying this shit in bulk?" she asked her reflection out loud when she was through.

Making her way back into the bedroom and into the large walk-in closet, she quickly discarded her towel on the floor and reached for a pair of jeans and a 3/4 length knit top, throwing them on after she put on her under garments. Once she was dressed, she made her way back to the bathroom to finish up her regimen.

Fishing around in her make-up once again, she unearthed her foundation. Repeating her actions from before, she coated her face down to her arms with the liquid.

Finally, she stepped back and peered at herself in the full length mirror next to her. This was the only time she ever allowed herself to look at it. When she was almost through applying her mask.

Not too bad.

It had been a wise choice going with the somewhat darker color, she mentally applauded herself. It gave her skin a healthy glow it rarely seen otherwise, and between it and the green concealer, the redness and bruises had been covered impeccably.

After a touch of powder to further camouflage the dark circles under her eyes and a dab of blush, giving herself a nice dash of color in all the right places, rather than all the wrong ones she most commonly sported, she was good to go.

Maybe not perfectly disguised, but to the prying eyes of the world around her, (and she vehemently hoped that included Angela) she would pass off as just another ordinary girl. Or at least as close to the old Bella as she once was. As close as she could hope to achieve in the looks department anyway.

Aside from the awkward, foreign feel of all that make-up that she just couldn't quite get use to, despite how often she wore it these days, she was mostly pleased with what she saw.

She ignored that treacherous Hope feeling deep inside of her, the one that almost always seemed to foreshadow ill fortune, as she made her way to the front hall and retrieved her jacket and shoes. Upon stepping out the door, she felt dismayed but not particularly surprised at the gloom that stretched out in front of her.

_Just another lovely day in beautiful Forks_, she thought as she climbed into the "sensible sedan" that had replaced her aging red truck. Try as he might, Jacob had just not been able to revive it after it's latest mishap, where (as Jacob so eloquently put it) it had finally given up the ghost.

Though, she wasn't entirely convinced he had truly tried his hardest. Jacob hated that truck with a fiery, fierce passion. Not just because it had once been bequeathed to him and had managed to find its way back in his life, either. Not even because he found it to be an inferior piece of transportation. But because of the ghost of someone else they had both felt whenever riding in it.

Destroy the evidence. That was good ol' Jacob's motto. He would make the perfect criminal.

She actually managed to hold back the snort at that one.

And now, after the long car ride from her house to Port Angeles, here she was, she glanced at her watch, a good 15 minutes late thanks to her mental play-by-play of what had brought her to be standing in this very location.

Sometimes, quite often in fact, she really wondered what it was exactly that was wrong with her brain.

She bit her bottom lip, pushed back whatever feelings of anger that was left in her as well as another, alien emotion lingering there just past the surface, and reached out for those wretched doors, pulling them open and making her way inside to her own personal hell cruelly and unmercifully brought to life.

Fate was cruel. She had always kinda thought that, despite her feelings on the subject the previous night. Fate was a cruel, heartless bitch and as if it hadn't proved it enough to her in the past couple years, it left no room for debate now. It had reiterated its brutal callousness above and beyond this afternoon.

Because here was that same hostess, standing before her, so much like she had been ages and eons ago.

Trying her hardest to avoid all eye contact (_because if I can't see her, then she just doesn't exist. Plain and simple_) and failing miserably, they shared a single glance that managed to speak volumes in the span of seconds.

_I remember you_.

They both had every reason to remember the other, and every reason not to. Between them was the memory of the same night and the same person. A person whose very presence demanded it be committed to memory.

His mere existence commanded every eye to be drawn to him without even trying. Because he walked this earth, because he was every girl's fairy tale brought to beautiful life, because his entire being screamed mystery and splendor. Because he was the most glorious creature anyone could ever hope to lay eyes on.

Though, on the rare occasion someone was able to tear their gaze away from him and all his otherworldly glory, much like the girl standing before her had been, it was her that became the immediate object of their attention (or scrutiny, in the case of the hostess.) A fool could see how they wondered what she could possibly possess in order to be worthy enough of his companionship.

She had news for them, though she was certain they had figured it out without her help.

There was nothing. Absolutely nothing at all.

Breaking the glance first, she scanned the dim dining area, other wise ignoring the girl near her, finally spotting her long lost friend in a booth in the far corner.

Before the hostess could open her large, stupid, painted on mouth, she carefully made her way through the semi crowded room towards Angela, grateful it wasn't the same booth and praying she didn't get caught on a random chair, leg, or worse yet, her own two feet.

Noticing her as she drew closer, Angela beamed at her.

"Bella! You don't know how happy I am to see you!"

She smiled back as she reached the table and shrugged off her jacket.

"I'm really happy to see you too!" she responded brightly, sitting down opposite the other girl.

Just then, a waiter appeared, and she found herself sighing inaudibly with relief. She had been almost sure it would have been Amber serving them (she was almost shocked to realize she could remember the waitress's name with such clarity). It would have been fitting after all.

After placing their orders (her being careful to skip over the first item on the menu when she quickly glanced at it) with the young man who wasn't much older than they themselves were, and he departed, Angela smiled shyly in her direction.

"You just can't believe how happy I am you came! I know I already said that, but I really mean it. I've missed you!"

Bella grinned back at her. "I missed you too!" And she had. Angela was familiar in a way that was both comforting and calming.

"I'm so sorry about your dad. I felt so awful when I talked to my dad and found out I had missed the funeral. I was so upset with myself when Ben and I got back from the Amazon." Though similar words had been spoken to her a million times by a million different people, these ones were not brought out by sheer pity alone. She believed them from Angela.

"Thanks, and it's okay, I mean - it was just a small memorial service, and so much of it's a blur now. You know? It's okay that you weren't able to be there. Seriously," she said offering up a shrug.

"Have they ever found anything else out about it all?" Angela asked sympathetically.

Bella shook her head. "No, same thing as always. Driver got away."

It had been a year ago her father had pulled over that driver. He or she had been drunk, the investigators speculated. Not much evidence had been found to prove anything else, aside from some torn clothing, a couple of footprints both human and animal, and some blood. His body was gone, as was the other car and driver, and his car has been left to idle near by.

It still hurt to think about.

"How was your trip to the Amazon?" she asked Angela, eager to direct the conversation into safer waters.

"It was good! Really good! We had a nice time. Didn't feel like we made much of an impact, but it was nice to know we were helping out. The Peace Corps does amazing things, Ben and I were excited to do it. We've talked about doing it again. Two years is a long time though."

Bless Angela and all her intuitiveness. She had known exactly what Bella was trying to accomplish with that question.

"That is a long time. How are you and Ben?"

Angela flushed slightly. "Just great! He's back home too, of course. Hanging out with some old friends from school today. He said to make sure to tell you hi, actually."

"Well, make sure to tell him hi back." Bella smiled at her.

They continued with their small talk until the waiter reappeared with their food.

Time away from Forks had done a world of good for Angela, she mused as she watched her chatter between bites. Gone was the quiet girl from her youth, and in her place was a beaming, more confident girl who had not quite reached Jessica Stanley in the chatty department, but was definitely giving their old acquaintance a run for her money. Minus the irritativeness, of course.

She had missed Angela, missed the kind hearted girl immensely, but now that she was here face to face with her, forced to make small talk and generally show emotion other than indifference, part of her couldn't help but long to be back home, despite how she had felt earlier about this date. At home she could be as blank and dull as she wanted to, at least until Jacob returned.

"Yoohoo, anyone there? Earth to Bella!" She shook her head visibly as Angela waved her hand in front of her face to get her attention.

"Sorry, Ang, it's been awhile since I've been to Port Angeles. This really brings back old memories, doesn't it? All we need now is to dress shop!" She forced herself to ignore the stab of pain in her chest at that memory.

Angela laughed and agreed, looking a bit relieved at her response. Either Bella was better at lying these days, or the time apart had made Angela a little more receptive to them.

"I was just wondering how you and Jacob were doing, still going strong?" Angela rephrased an earlier question that Bella had obviously missed while she explored space for those few moments.

Bella thanked her lucky stars, what few there were, that she was well versed in the art of acting now.

"Oh yes, we're great. Better than great, actually!"  
_Please don't let that have come out as forced as it felt_.

Angela beamed. "Has he popped the question yet? You don't have to answer that if it's too personal."

**Definitely** oblivious.

"Not yet, I'm sure it will be soon though." She felt like she could choke on her smile.

Noting she had spilled sauce on her arm at some pointed, she grabbed her napkin and swiped at it absentmindedly, nodding at whatever it was Angela was saying exactly in response to her.

That had been her first mistake.

Well, maybe her second. Her first probably would have been coming here, deluding herself into believing she could keep up a charade for this long. Realizing what she had done, what she had uncovered by not paying attention and rubbing the stain on her all too visible arm, she felt her eyes grow impossibly wide.

Please don't let her have noticed. Please.

But she knew Angela had. Before she even looked up, she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt Angela had also seen, as it had become eerily silent too suddenly.

Glancing up slowly at the other girl's face, her suspicion was confirmed. Angela's face was a mask of horror and shock as she stared at Bella's arm resting on the table in front of her.  
_  
Shit._

* * *

A/N: I actually had to break this chapter up into two chapters, due to all the wonderful material my beta spoon fed me.

I got a couple quick announcements before I'm off to fine tune Chapter Six and take it to the editing room.

First - I got to give a HUGE shout out to Lizbit, who has discovered my secret love for apostrophes and has been acting as my unofficial second-in-command beta, catching all my mistakes that has slipped passed my poor, overworked first-in-command. She's pretty amazing and everyone should go leave her lots of love.

Second - a quick acknowledgment to: Melolabel, whom I totally borrowed the whole "Angela/Ben/Peace Corp" bit from her story The Blood Crystal. It just fits Angela's character perfectly, and as I got the idea from her, I must give credit where credit is due. Go check out her story, it's a nice little twist on Twilight.

& Lastly - I'm running out of good, angst filled songs for the ole playlist that I jam to while I write, so if you have any good suggestions - give me a holler. I'm pretty much open to everything and I will hold forever love for you deep down in my heart o' hearts.

Reviews don't make me write faster, but they give me a big goofy grin while I'm writing.


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER: ONCE I DREAMT I WAS SM AND I WROTE TWILIGHT. BUT THEN I WOKE UP, COVERED IN MY OWN DROOL.**

**Explain to me, this conspiracy against me.  
And tell me how, I lost my power.**

**Where can I turn? Cause I need something more  
Surrounded by uncertainty, I'm so unsure  
Tell me why, I feel so alone  
Cause I need to know, to whom do I owe.**

**-_Conspiracy_ - Paramore. **

* * *

The silence was deafening.

It was an ugly, bitter, challenging, tension filled silence that stretched between them. Rolling over them in waves. Time stood still, or at least passed around them, over their heads, leaving them encased in their own untouchable bubble, unperturbed, staring slack jawed and wide eyed at one another.

The very air surrounding their booth was charged with electricity or something similar to it. Accusations, questions, and a touch of defiance piled up, one after the other, until they overflowed on the table between their plates, demanding to be recognized and acknowledged. They seemed to emit a dull buzz, not quite heard by the ears, but instead felt deep inside their brains.

A ghostly conversation hung in the air, hovering just out of ear shot, but it's presence could still be felt, deep and impressing, screaming to be recognized, spoken about, brought to life.  
_  
Who did this to you?  
No one.  
Was it Jacob?  
No.  
I'll help.  
You can't.  
Let me.  
I'm fine.  
Those are finger marks.  
They're not.  
They are.  
You're wrong.  
**I'M NOT BLIND!**_

The last seemed to be echoed, loud and shrill as if it had been screamed out loud. She was halfway out of her seat before she was aware of her actions. The fight or flight instinct coming out in her, and her body had chosen flight without conscious thought. It overwhelmed all of her other senses, making her body numb with the need to flee. Flee now, and quickly.

Angela cleared her throat, visibly forcing herself to tear her eyes away from the marks on Bella's arm.

"So..I guess it's safe to say coordination never really settled in with you while I've been gone?"

Bella let out a breath that she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

"Yeah - not so much."

Angela looked like she wanted to say more on the subject, desperately. Instead she gave Bella a tight lipped smile and asked, "So, uh - been keeping up with the Seahawks at all?"

Eyeballing the other girl warily, she responded cautiously, "Yeah..not really. Games are played daily at the house, but I don't pay attention."

Angela's eyes widened impossibly, as if she had just admitted to something vile and sinister. Bella felt her heart rate quicken as the possible double meaning of her words dawned on her.

"Er, you know, the boys. They come over a lot to watch sports on the big screen. Whatever game is playing that day and there's always one. I don't know how they find them sometimes," she elaborated in a rush, desperate to clarify what she had originally meant and careful to leave Jacob's name out of her explanation, afraid of the doors it would open.

Angela nodded slowly. It was apparent she was not quite relieved at her answer, almost as if she sensed the name that had purposely been omitted.

"Yeah, I haven't kept up either. Never been my thing, you know? But when you leave, you almost feel a sense of obligation to your home team."

Bella sank back down in her seat, smiling tightly as if she agreed. She understood what Angela was playing at.

_So, how about them Red Socks?_

But bless Angela and her infallible need to respect the comfort level of people around her, despite the circumstances. It was obvious she didn't buy her own spoken theory, much less Bella's, and she was concerned. Deeply so. As much as Bella didn't want it, as much as she was fiercely protective for reasons unknown to her about her life and what went on it, she was grateful her friend was letting this go, not bombarding her with inquiries, giving her a reprieve, albeit, a small one.

Angela continued eating, glancing up every couple of seconds as if to make sure Bella was still sitting across from her and not making her way towards the door.

Try as she might, and she did try, Bella couldn't finish her meal. A brick had settled deep within her stomach and the thought of adding anything on top of it caused bile to rise up in her throat.

Noticing that Angela was now pushing her food around on her plate more than anything else, Bella's eyes roamed for the waiter. She finally spotted him near the kitchen and motioned him over to their table.

"You ladies through here?" He asked, glancing between them uneasily as if he could feel the slight tension still hanging in the air.

"We are. Could we have the check?" Bella answered, praising herself for keeping the tremble out of her voice that she felt trying to escape.

Still glancing between the two girls, the waiter pulled a leather bound folder from his apron and placed it on the table. Snatching it up, barely glancing at the bill, Bella deposited a 50 she had ready to go in it, and handed it back to him, brushing off Angela's protests.

"Keep the change," she assured the waiter firmly, ignoring the aching familiarity of her words and actions.

Angela was still sputtering as the waiter turned swiftly away like he was afraid she would change her mind about his hefty tip. She rolled her eyes. Money was the least of her worries. Jacob always seemed to have an ample amount of it, though where he got it all from was beyond her.

"Ready to go?" She asked Angela. The other girl nodded and they rose simultaneously, heading towards the door. Refusing to meet the hostess's eyes as she passed by her, Bella led the pair exited the restaurant to the street beyond. She noted dimly the crowd had thickened slightly since she had arrived earlier. It wasn't as busy as it would be later on in the evening, but traffic had certainly picked up.

Angela turned to her just then, asking if she wouldn't mind checking out a few shops. She didn't want to. What she wanted to do was rush home before any other part of her pretense slipped. Though, coming up with an excuse that could pass as remotely believable proved to be an issue. Against her better judgment, she half heartedly agreed, and the two turned towards the main street, choosing to walk to the shops than drive.

After visiting a couple of stores, neither buying much of anything (and her refraining from checking her watch every couple of minutes. Of this she was quite proud of), Bella decided it was now safe to make her exit.

She never got the chance.

Angela, who was walking next to her, abruptly stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, right outside an entry way to a busy store. She grabbed Bella's arm harshly, gawking as she stared across the street with an unreadable expression on her face.

"Isn't that - -" she started.

There was no need to finish. Bella had already looked up from the hold Angela had on her entrapped arm and followed the girl's line of vision.

Directly across the road from their location, standing smack dab in the middle of sidewalk forcing people to bypass around his hulking figure, stood Emmett Cullen, holding a Game Stop bag and goggling openly.

On his right, his mouth gaping equally, was Jasper Hale.

* * *

A/N: *laughs manically* Check!

Show of hands, how many people was ready to hunt me down and flog me senseless over Angela's reaction at the beginning of this? I know, I know. I wanted to beat myself up too. But it just had to happen.

I wanted to get this out earlier, but well - shit happens. And by shit, I mean my very demanding offspring. I apologize for that. Feel free to leave him angry letters via PM or review.

Have I told you all how giddy your reviews make me lately, by the way? They do. They make me bust out in random show tunes.  
Keep the song rec's coming! I'm in angst heaven over here. You all are amazing.

If you catch any horrendous, bleeding eyes inducing mistakes, shoot me a line and I'll fix that right up for you.


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER: REPEATING THIS IS REALLY STARTING TO DEPRESS ME. SM OWNS. I JUST STEAL HER CHARACTERS AND PLAY GOD FOR AWHILE.**

**Paranoia, paranoia  
Everybody's comin' to get me  
Just say you never met me  
I'm runnin' underground with the moles  
Diggin' holes  
Hear the voices in my head  
I swear to God it sounds like they're snoring  
But if you're bored then you're boring  
The agony and the irony, they're killing me, whoa!**

**I'm not sick, but I'm not well  
And I'm so hot cause I'm in hell**

**-_Flagpole Sitta_ - Harvey Danger.**

* * *

_Nononononononono._

The word blurred together, forming a litany inside her head. Her whole body vibrated with its chant.

Horror struck, she watched as the two men's mouths dropped open, one right after another. Then, so flawlessly it could have been choreographed, they both mouthed: "Bella".

_nononononono.  
shitshitshitshit._

She couldn't handle this. Not now. Not after a day like today. Not like a night after last night. Not after this past year - no, make that three years, she had been forced to live through.

Not fucking ever.

She had to get out of here. Now. Five minutes ago even. Her treacherous feet, however, had other ideas. Apparently they had yet to receive the urgent memo. They had taken up root, locking her against her will in her location, helpless to do anything more than stare immobile and dumbly at the sight before her.

_"I'm paralyzed,"_ she thought with a panicked start. _"I can't move. Even if I wanted to, I can't fucking move and damn it all to hell - I need to go. NOW."_

But still she stood there, gaping like a fool, barely conscious of the fact that Angela's hold on her arm had become inconceivably tighter. Everything surrounding her, save for the two that were locked in a sort of absurd staring contest with her, had faded into obscurity.

She was aware, at some level deep within her mind, that it was quite possible, certain even, that the two vampires across the street would be able to see through her well thought out and strategically applied mask, even from their distance. And while that epiphany hadn't completely come to the forefront of her brain quite yet, it most definitely accounted for the raw and pure hysteria that had taken a hold of her.

_Damn vampires and their super fucking eye sight. Superman and his x-ray vision be damned._

And speaking of epiphanies, a horrible one had chosen that precise moment to crash down on her.

If Emmett and Jasper were here, and there was just no room for debate on that particular subject, then it stood to reason that the others, possibly even him, the unspeakable one, were sure to be along shortly.

As though that wasn't hard enough to swallow, a second, more heart stopping epiphany promptly followed the first.

What if they were here right now? Right at this very moment? Surrounding her very location on this street? Waiting and hiding in the shadows of the store fronts. Any moment they would pop out and ambush her.

_Fuck that_.

This whole day was slowly turning into a fucked up episode of_ Intervention._

And she was the unsuspecting addict.

She HATED that show.

For the second time that day, the fight or flight instinct welled up inside her. Whatever dull smoldering ember Jacob hadn't beat out of her suddenly roared to life ferociously. The fire was burning now and the effects from it were unfamiliar. But damn it all, she was tired of this. Tired of the never ending game her life had become. She was going to fight, damn it. She wasn't answering to anyone anymore.

Or at least, she wasn't going to answer to anyone on this street, in this cursed city.

No sooner than her resolve had been set, Emmett chose that moment to unknowingly challenge it. A huge grin broke out across his handsome face, matching both his size and stature. Completely oblivious to Jasper's suddenly outstretched hand as if to caution him of his course of action, (which, judging by the look of sheer alarm on his face, she realized frantically, that's exactly what Jasper was doing) Emmett surged forward, apparently nothing more than delighted to close the distance between their two parties.

Fuck it.  
Fight was over rated anyways.

With that movement, the spell holding her in her trance was broken.

Muttering something unintelligible to Angela (at least, she'd later think she did), Bella yanked her arm forcefully back out of the other girl's grasp. Angela, for her part, no doubt shocked by the scene unfolding around her and Bella's irrational response to it, squeaked in surprise.

Bella barely registered the sound.

As if she was being pursued by the very demons that haunted her (_and she was, damn it. She was_), she turned in the direction of where her car was parked, and fled as if her very life depended on it.

And she was being irrational, she realized as her feet pounded against the pavement. She was being irrational and acting as if she was a half crazed person.

Make that full-crazed, she thought as she stumbled and fell face first towards the ground. Thrusting her arms out in front of her, she landed roughly, her outstretched palms catching the brunt of the impact. Quick as a flash, she pushed off with her scraped hands and scrambled back to her feet, breaking out in a full sprint as soon as she was fully upright.

And she didn't care. She didn't care if she was full-crazed or half-crazed, irrational or completely clinically insane at this point. She didn't even care that she was attracting attention (something she usually tried her hardest to avoid) as she flew down the street, dodging past people without breaking stride, shoving through throngs of shoppers when she couldn't bypass them neatly.

In no time at all, she was winded and could feel a stitch coming on in her side.

_How far away did I park anyway? Fucking Tibet?_ She thought harshly, panting even in her mind.

Logically, she knew this race to the finish line was not needed. They wouldn't follow her, especially not using their true speed. They couldn't, wouldn't, risk exposure like that. Not just to give chase. If anything, they were probably exactly where they were before she took off like a bat out of hell, scratching their heads, trying to figure out what just happened.

That logical side needed to learn how to speak up a little louder.

Finally, she reached the small, gravel-lined parking lot where she had left her car earlier that day.

Slipping on loose stones, she raced towards her means of escape, desperate to be behind the wheel and putting as much distance between herself and the much too solid ghosts of her past. Yanking open the door, she flung herself into the driver's seat, her ass barely touching the upholstery before she had the engine roaring to life.

Without so much as a glance in either direction, she threw the car into reverse, sending gravel spraying up every which way from her tires. She flew out of the parking lot at a speed that at one time would have had her clutching her seat with a death grip for dear life.

Only once she was safely out of the city did she finally allow her body to start to relax. Concentrating on taking slow, deep breaths, she forced her lungs to start loosening from their constricted state and her heart rate to return to normal.

After several long moments of being on the main road, she reached for the radio, intent on blocking out her racing thoughts over what had just taken place with music. Something loud, preferably.

A hand, not belonging to her, beat her to the punch, flipping through stations expertly until a pulsing bass line was pumping from her car's speakers.

"So, where exactly is the fire at?" it's owner finally asked cheerfully.

* * *

A/N: So, again, I wanted to have this chapter up yesterday as well as get back to everyone that reviewed the last chapter- but due to circumstances beyond my control (cause after all, I didn't make Rob Pattinson the Sex God that he is), that didn't happen.

This chapter wasn't at all planned to go this way, and I think I took both myself and my beta by surprise. We had Chapter Seven completely mapped out but when I sat down to write it up, this is what happened. I was pretty unsure about it to begin with, but I decided to go with it since it came so quickly and naturally. On the plus side, I think by taking this direction, I've just stretched this story out by at least another chapter. So that's always amazing.

Also, I realize that Bella might come off as extremely out of character in this chapter, due to the fact that she's adopted a filthy fucking mouth for a minute. Remember, she's paranoid, she's freaking out.. so she's working on making sailors blush with her language.

Remember - if reading = love. reviews = sex. I'll do better with responding this time, I promise. You guys give me fuzzy goodies deep in my heart.  
Feel free to drop me a line if you catch any horrific errors along the way, I still have to go back and change the mistakes the ever amazing Lizbit caught from the last chapter.. but I promise you, I pay attention and fix that shit. I don't want to cause anyone's eyes to bleed.


	8. Chapter 8

**DISCLAIMER: *sigh* Still don't own Twilight. Still bitter. Still pumping out FF chapters like a crazed fool to ease the burn.**

**I can not believe you claimed you were my family  
Don't sweat it, set a false pretense**

**Betray, you're not gonna be willing to change  
Yeah, and it doesn't seem likely to fade  
Betray, you're not gonna be willing to change  
Ca-ca-ca-cause you know**

**-_False Pretense_ - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus**

**A/N: **BIG BIG love to **Lizbit** who stepped in and gave my overworked beta a break for this chapter. Thanks to her, my dirty love triangle with commas and apostrophes have been hidden for another day.

* * *

Her blood curdling scream filled the air.

"Damn it, Bella. I'm right here, no need to be so loud," Emmett chastised her, still quite cheerful despite his words and obvious attempt at a stern tone. "So, where are we going in such a rush? Oops, watch it." his hand reached out, so quickly it made her a bit dizzy to witness, to grab the wheel, jerking her car back into her own lane where it had begun to drift.

Panic seized her. Completely startled by the whole situation, she slammed on the brakes, causing the car to jerk to an abrupt stop. The sounds of tires squealing, horns honking, and the random profanity yelled in her direction filled the air as the cars behind her own were forced to swerve suddenly in order to avoid a collision. She barely registered the commotion.

"Wh-what-are-you-how-I-don't-" she sputtered pathetically, turning in her seat to face the grinning and very unwelcome man riding shotgun as if he belonged there.

He rolled his eyes impatiently.

"Vampire," he stated, as if that alone was the answer for everything.

Come to think of it, it probably was.

She stared at him dumbly, hating herself for the look of shock she could feel controlling her features.

"So, you took off kinda quick. Remembered you left your curling iron or something?" Lounging in her passenger seat as if it were his favorite recliner and he was just shooting the shit with an old friend, Emmett appeared to be perfectly at ease. Not at all bothered by the fact that he was actually intruding, very much uninvited, in on an extremely stupefied and cornered feeling girl.

She tried to form an answer, but instead she felt her mouth working open and close, no words coming out.

Nothing intelligent nor of any known language anyway.

That didn't seem to bother Emmett in the slightest. He prattled on as if she'd given him some elaborate explanation for her actions.

"Man, you took _off_. Kinda made me feel like you weren't happy to see Jazz and me. I kinda got my feelings hurt. Did you take up track or something?"

This whole scenario was absurd. Like one of those dreams that is so off you just know you're asleep. It was just too crazy to be remotely close to real. Quickly, she snapped her eyes closed and started pinching her arms forcefully.

_"I'm bound to wake up any minute now. Any minute, I'll be in my bed, wondering what I ate last night, or just how hard Jacob hit me in order for my mind to come up with something as off the wall as all of this." _

A cold hand grabbed hers roughly.

"What the hell are you doing, Bella? You don't need any more marks on your arms!"

So much for the dream theory.

Slowly, she reopened her eyes and was immediately met by the sight of Emmett's alarmed expression.

Okay, so - she wasn't dreaming. Emmett really was in the car with her, not looking a day older than the last time she had seen him.

Too much. This was all _way_ too much.

She could feel the oppressing blackness creeping in on her side vision, beckoning her to give into the nothingness it would all too willingly provide for her. Offering her solace from the alarm and panic she was currently facing.

That was awfully considerate of it.

She tried to give in. She felt her head swimming as it started to take over, drowning out her fuzzy thoughts and causing her vision to blur. She could barely make out Emmett's form in front of her -

and she was calm about it.

And happy.

That cleared her mind instantly.

The calm was understandable, although a bit misplaced given the circumstances. Still, she could overlook that. She always could repress unpleasantness with the best of them. Especially once teetering on the edge of oblivion.

The happiness though? Now, that was unnatural. Not just misplaced, but completely out of left field.

Realization dawned on her.

"Jasper!" she gasped, swinging around in her seat, completely unsurprised by the sight of the blond man occupying the space behind her.

At least _he_ managed to look halfway sheepish and apologetic for his presence.

"Hello, Bella," he slowly, cautiously, as if waiting for her to start screaming again.

She shook her head.

"Why - -" she started, but found she couldn't finish. Instead she went back to staring dumbly.

_Too much_.

"There's a perfectly good explanation," Jasper said calmly. So calmly, in fact, she could feel it spilling over onto her.

That wasn't right.

"Would you stop that!?" she yelled. "Just stop! I'm fine! I haven't seen you in how long and you show back up suddenly, completely unannounced and start fucking with my emotions!? Just fucking STOP IT!"

Almost immediately, the calm dissipated, leaving nothing but blinding rage in its wake.

"THANK YOU!" she spat, not sounding thankful in the least. "So, what's up? Decided it was too boring to simply fuck around with your own family's feelings? Ran out of out random Californians to fuck with? Decided to make your way back here so you could screw with mine again?!"

"Bella, listen.." Jasper started.

"No, YOU listen! I don't know what you're playing at, showing back up here like this, but I don't fucking like it! Speaking of families, where the fuck is yours at anyway? Alice waiting around somewhere to read my fucking future?!"

"Woah!" Emmett piped up suddenly from next to her. "When did you turn into a sailor?"

Bella swung back around and fixed him with a deadly glare. Visibly wilting underneath it, he sucked his lips into his mouth.

Jasper tried again.

"Bella, listen to me, it's not what you think --"

She cut him off before he could finish.

"Not what I think? NOT WHAT I THINK!? Pray tell, Jasper, just what is it that I'm thinking? Edward around?" She spat the name, venomously, not bothering to hide the wince speaking it out loud had caused. "Figured out how to read my fucking mind finally has he? No? Well then, I'd say you have NO idea what I'm thinking!"

Her chest heaved as she glowered between the two of them, daring one to say something further.

For a few agonizing moments nothing could be heard, save for her breathing and the music still pumping from her car's speakers.

She couldn't for the life of her pin point where all this rage was stemming from exactly. She liked it, however. Seeing these two, face-to-face, had unleashed something within her that was such an extreme contrast from the normal emotions she entertained. It was a stark contradiction to the void she commonly was these days.

She felt suddenly alive after years of being dead.

And she hated it.

Because beneath this rage, was hurt. Raw and soul shattering, aged by the years of ignoring it, pushing it aside. Now that it was being acknowledged, considered, it was back with a vengeance, strong and intoxicating. As if these two had uncorked it with their close proximity, it sprung forth, taking on a life of its own.

The look on Jasper's face confirmed he could feel it too. That he was a witness to the conflict warring inside her. She wanted to pity him for forcing this on him, but she found she lacked the energy, or care, to do so.

"Just get out," she said finally.

"What?" Emmett asked, sounding confused by her sudden change in tone.

"I said, get out. Get out of my car. You all had no problems walking away before. Do it again. Now," she repeated firmly.

"Bella, listen. You have to hear me out --" Jasper tried again.

She was having none of that.

"I SAID, GET OUT!" she screamed.

Emmett held his hands up in mock surrender. "Fine, we're going."

Both men made to exit the car. Only Jasper hesitated in his actions.

"Edward-"

She visibly winced. It was bad enough to speak the name herself, but to hear it from his brother's lips was just too much to bear.

"OUT!"

Quickly, Jasper got out of the backseat, almost scrambling in his attempt to do so. Under any other circumstances, that alone would have been comical.

Emmett stood staring at her with an unreadable expression on his face, the passenger door still hanging open.

"You know, you're not hiding that black eye very well," he stated simply.

She lunged forward and fumbled for the handle, shutting him out.

She sped off quickly, glancing back in her rear view mirror only once she felt she was a safe enough distance away. She half expected for them to have already disappeared, to have melted into the scenery as though they'd never even been there in the first place.

What she didn't expect was for them to be standing exactly where she had left them, staring after her and her rapidly retreating car.

Nor did she expect for Jasper to be talking into, what suspiciously appeared to be, a phone.

* * *

A/N: Again, BIG thanks to Liz for churching this scene up and catching all my sleep deprived mishaps. With much help from her, my usual beta **RayneKaplan** got a much deserved break and was able to focus on her story that she's currently being possessed by. Take your pretty asses over to Liz's profile and check out: **Eternal Dawn** and keep your eyes peeled for Rayne's story to hit the air. I was lucky enough to get a sneak peek at it and I'm still swooning over her Darkward.

I'm in the process of compiling a play list for this story, because I figure if I'm going to be embracing my inner fangirl, I need to go big or go home. So, if a song comes to mind when reading - make sure to shoot me a line. My fangirl will thank you.

Thank you to EVERYONE who reviewed. I'm still singing show tunes as a result of them.

Reviews don't make me write faster, but they're better than Jasper playing with my emotions.


	9. Chapter 9

**DISCLAIMER: SM STILL OWNS TWILIGHT. WE KNOWS THIS. I STILL WEEP.**

**What have I become?  
My sweetest friend.  
Everyone I know,  
goes away in the end.  
And you could have it all,  
my empire of dirt.**

**I will let you down,  
I will make you hurt.**

**I wear this crown of thorns,  
upon my liar's chair.  
Full of broken thoughts,  
I cannot repair.  
Beneath the stains of time,  
the feelings disappear.  
You are someone else.  
I am still right here.**

**-_Hurt_ Cover - Johnny Cash**.

**A/N: **Once again, large thanks goes out to **LizBit** for making this chapter so eloquent, I'm still attempting to scrape my jaw off the floor.

* * *

The remainder of the ride home was nerve wracking.

She spent a vast majority of it staring into her rear view and side mirrors, sure that at any moment a sickeningly familiar car was going to pull out suddenly behind her. Every person she passed on the street was a cause for suspicion; every car deemed a second or third glance to verify its occupants.

Safely beyond the point of paranoia, she felt crazy and irrational, hysterical and keyed up. She was treading in unfamiliar waters and she was drowning in them. She wasn't even entirely sure that her body was strong enough to be dealing with all these ranging emotions. Not after so long of being completely barren.

Every so often, she'd find herself mulling over Emmett's words, as if the panic brought on by their presence wasn't enough to cope with.

_"You don't need any more marks on your arms,"_ he had said. _"You didn't do a good job covering that black eye."_

She had been right in her thinking.  
He could see.  
He had seen.  
They had both seen.

They knew.

And she had a feeling, a strong one, that she was screwed.

Maybe they didn't know everything in depth. No, there was no way for them to know that. But they certainly knew something wasn't right.

Then, of course, there was the million dollar question. Just what did bring them to Port Angeles today? She couldn't believe it was just a chance meeting. Fate was cruel, that much had been established, but she just couldn't fathom a fate conniving enough to set _that_ whole fiasco up.

So, what else was there?

It just didn't seem like something _he_ would do. She just couldn't imagine he'd suddenly ditch his oath and allow his family to return, not after promising her that very thing wouldn't happen. Were they here without him, then?

She didn't know whether she was relieved at that thought, or comically disappointed. She should be relieved, she knew this, but there was a part of her that questioned it.

With or without him, they were back. At least two of them, this much was certain. And the knowledge they held, however slim it was, was too much for her comfort level.

Before she knew it, she was passing familiar houses, signaling she was close to her own. It caught her off guard. The ride home had seemed unnaturally long, giving her far too much time to obsess.

_Shit_, she thought. _I shouldn't have driven directly here!_

Alarmed, she glanced around wildly at her surroundings, straining to recognize any sign that she had been followed. There was nothing to indicate it. Of course, that didn't exactly mean anything. It wasn't as if these people were notorious for advance warning, as they proved today. It took very little effort on their parts to catch their victims by surprise.

_Wow, a bit melodramatic there, are we?_ she thought bitterly.

Maybe not.

_They all should come with a damn bell. Like a cat._

Nervously, she passed by the thin tree line separating their property from that of their closest neighbors. What had once been a huge selling point for their house was now a cause for heavy speculation. The privacy and feelings of seclusion it had once offered had suddenly turned into a double edged sword. Whose privacy could it be concealing today? Just hers and Jacob's? Or, someone else's?

Slowing down right before her driveway, she peered intently into the trees. There was nothing. No movement. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just green as far as the eye could see.

She wasn't as satisfied as she'd like to be, but she pulled into the drive none the less, finding no reason to prolong it. Stopping just before the house's second major selling point, she killed the engine and sat quietly in the car for a moment, waiting.

The garage was what thoroughly sold Jacob on this house back when they had first looked at it. Not overly large or spectacular by any normal standards, it had still excited Jacob to see it was attached to the rest of the house. That and it wasn't crudely built from bits and pieces of miscellaneous sheds like he was accustomed to. It wasn't much, but it was enough for him to do repairs and he wasted no time making it his own, transforming it into his safe haven and manly refuge.

_Must be nice,_ she thought bitterly to herself.

Slowly and cautiously, she finally climbed out of the car, paying careful attention to everything around her. It was quiet on her street, save for the distant barking of a neighborhood dog.

She trudged up the uneven path leading around the garage, watching her footing. It wouldn't be the first time she tripped over the broken concrete and she really wasn't in the mood to kiss the ground again today. Her palms were still stinging from their encounter earlier. Stopping short on the front walk, she glared reproachfully at the front of the house.

The mid-century rancher with its faded tan, aged brick was still standing in all it's mediocre glory with large thanks to Jacob's handiwork and determination to uphold his silent motto. (_Destroy the evidence._) The white shutters had been repainted time and time again, effectively disguising the scratches left over from many a drunken rage.

_Too bad the memories of them still lingered. Home Depot should start thinking about investing in a product that could erase those,_ she thought resentfully.

The shutters combined with the door screamed agitation and discomfort, the white matching the padded walls of asylums everywhere.

Even the lawn was very plain, covered in rough patches of brown, decaying grass. The only saving grace the front really had were the two overflowing bushes framing the recently repaired front porch. (How that particular fiasco had happened, she still wasn't sure.) In the spring, those bushes sprouted vibrant pink flowers of an unknown origin. She had fallen in love with them when they had first moved in, and had immediately set to work enlisting Jacob's help in constructing large flowerbed that extended to the far corner of the house. That first summer she had spent hours planting flowers and grooming the space, content to sit back and admire her little garden at the end of the day. The serenity and peace it the sight of it had given her was incomparable.

It was overgrown and dominated by weeds now.

Seemed almost fitting.

Tearing her eyes away from that pitiful excuse for a flowerbed, she made her way up the front walk and across the small porch. Cringing, she opened the front door, the hinges of it creaking loudly as if they were protesting and demanding the use of WD-40 immediately.

Glancing around the barren front hall, she sighed. The reaction was involuntary and felt badly misplaced given the anger still churning within her. Not even an interior decorator could transform this house into a home. The dull and scraped hardwood of the floors caught her eyes and the sight of them only served to fuel her rage. Jacob had been saying for ages he was going to sand and refinish them to match the ones in the bedrooms.

Jacob talked a lot when he was sober.

Crossing the entry way, she turned to the right and heaved a bigger sigh. The living room was just as unwelcoming as the outside landscaping if that was at all possible. The standard beige carpeting had probably started out nice enough, but after years of wear it was now uncomfortable beneath her bare feet. Hating the stark, suffocating white of the walls, she and Jacob had spent their first night there painting them a much warmer tan color. Ironically, it made it easier to see the evidence of all those many horrendous nights.

It wasn't uncommon to smell fresh paint on a weekly basis.

The white crown molding offset the walls from the floors nicely, but they too showed signs of wear and tear. They were in dire need of a touch up job, as the natural wood grain was starting to show through the many chips and dings.

("_Just let me finish this beer, Babe. I'll get to it soon._")

The chocolate brown sectional couch sat directly in front of their big screened TV.

("_It's a 50" LCD Flat Panel, Babe. Top of the line. Complete with Bose Sound System. Paul is beyond jealous already. You should have seen the look on his face when I told him and he hasn't even SEEN it yet._")

It was the one thing in the house that Jacob always seemed to bypass in his fits of rage without fail.

She had dreams of throwing a large, heavy object through that bitch.

Her favorite part of the room had to be the tranquil fireplace, and Jacob had even managed to ruin that for her. She couldn't bear to look at it without her bronze haired angel sitting atop the mantle. Now, the whole thing just looked desolate with just its few pictures, that were mostly of the pack to match the sparingly hung frames on the walls, and the wrought iron fireset on the hearth.

Glancing at the clock, she moved into the kitchen. Jacob would be home soon, no doubt hungry and expecting some big production for dinner.

On the wall closest to the kitchen doorway, a random picture of she and Jacob caught her gaze. Taken in 'happier' times, not too long after they settled in this place, it did nothing but piss her off to look at now. They had moved into this house hopeful and excited for their future in it. They'd been infatuated with the prospect of starting fresh, of adding their own happy memories to a place that was already chock full and bursting with the previous family's.

That was back when Jacob was still holding the bottle and the bottle wasn't holding him.

Oh, how the mighty do fall.

Though, whether 'the mighty' was her or Jacob, remained to be seen.

Once she was in the kitchen she began pulling out steaks from the ancient-looking refrigerator and placing them on the indistinctive counter tops. Her feet scuffled against the faded linoleum floors as she moved to pull out odds and ends out of the wooden cabinets that looked like they could use a good dousing with Murphy's Oil. The vast counter space filled up rapidly, she always cooked more than needed in case a random pack member showed up.

Under normal circumstances, she would have gone out of her way to at least marinade the steaks. Tonight, however, it was effort enough just to cook. She knew she should go down the hall and into the bedroom and attempt to make herself presentable - Jacob liked for her to make an effort for him when he got home from work, but quite frankly, she just didn't care what she looked like. No doubt she resembled hell.

No sooner than she had placed the steaks in the warmed up pan on the stove, she heard the familiar click of the front door.

_Let the games begin._

Fleetingly, she wondered if it _was_ Jacob that had crossed the threshold or if someone else had just entered their front hall.

_I didn't even lock the damn door!_ she cursed internally.

Not that locks were an issue for who she was currently worried about.

So much for any sense of self-preservation.

Before that last thought had fully formed, Jacob's voice rang out from the living room.

"Bells Honey, I'm home! What's for dinner?"

Keeping her back to him, she rolled her eyes. It was the same greeting every night.

She fought to keep her voice even. "Steaks," she called out to him.

"Smells good," he answered from directly behind her, his breath tickling her neck unpleasantly.

She jumped a mile. He moved too damn quietly for someone his size, and no matter how often he took her by surprise this way, she never failed to react to it.

He chuckled darkly in response. "We alone?" he asked, his tone thick with implication.

Slowly, she turned to face him, a sense of foreboding filling her.

"Yes," she said, dread settling in to the pit of her stomach. Her brow furrowed slightly as she glanced up, meeting his somber eyes. He stared down at her, his face void of all emotion.

Without warning, he closed the slight gap between their bodies and seized her roughly by the arms. She squeezed her eyes shut at the pressure, feeling him incline his head towards the top of hers.

"Hmm. Really?" he asked quietly.

This couldn't be good.

"Yes," she responded, nodding her head once. The change in his normal homecoming routine was unnerving, it was throwing her off balance, and she just knew nothing good was going to come out of it.

"It smells weird in here," he hesitated, and in that hesitation she felt her heart speed up. "_You_ smell weird."

Her breath caught in her throat.

"That so?" she replied after a moment.

"Yeah. You do. You know what you smell like?"

"Erm, no." She sounded nervous and she hated herself for it.

"You smell just like a filthy, fucking bloodsucker."

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you thank you thank you to every one who has reviewed thus far. You all make me as giddy as giddy can be.

I gotta take one more opportunity to gush over Liz and her superb editing skillzzz as well as shamelessly promote my Beta-turned-proof-reader, **RayneKaplan**. Both her's **(The Monster Within)** and Liz's **(Eternal Dawn)** stories are in my favorites over on the ol' profile. Be some dears and go check them out. They'll leave you just as awe struck as they left me, I assure you.

As always, reviews don't make me write faster, but they give me a big cheesy grin while I'm doing it.


	10. Chapter 10

**DISCLAIMER: I GOT NOTHING.  
**

**I don't think I'll be held inside an ordinary cell  
Am I the escape or  
Am I the escape artist?  
I know it's just a question of details**

**Or one of  
Denial.  
Could all of this trip wire  
Cut so easy?**

**We'll just see**

**Cut the alarm before the  
Motion sets off its sensors  
We move in silence now  
We guard our secrets with our lives  
And cover our tracks so we are  
Protected from surveillance  
We move in silence now  
We lead ourselves into the fight**

**-_I Light My Own Fires Now_ - Dashboard Confessional.**

* * *

An odd strangling noise escaped from her throat.

"A--- what?!" she managed to half choke out.

_Smooth, Bella. Really smooth. You'll get the Oscar for sure with that performance._

Jacob's hold on her arms grew impossibly tighter. They were growing numb already, a weird tingling sensation flowing through them like an electric current. She kept her lids firmly shut, not wanting to risk opening them and meeting his menacing glare, knowing he'd be able to read the pain clearly in hers.

"A bloodsucker, Bells. You smell like a fucking bloodsucker. Now, why do you suppose that is?" He shook her a little as if to prove his point. Though, she was fairly sure his point had yet to be made.

"Er, I'm not sure, Jake," she responded pathetically.

He pulled back from her roughly, still managing to keep a firm grip on her. She could feel him peering into her face, beer reeking from his breath as he breathed raggedly down on her.

_Already? Fuck. Well, I guess it_ is_ five o' clock somewhere._

She bit back a laugh.

"Something funny there, Bells? Some joke you want to let me in on? How about sharing? Maybe I could go for a laugh too, ever think of that?"

_Guess I didn't hide that one too well._

"No, Jacob. Nothing's funny at all. Just wondering how you managed to be half in the bag this early."

She moved to turn away from him, and for a brief moment she thought he was actually going to let her go. His hand slackened on her left arm.

**SMACK!**

The sound reverberated easily through the small cramped space of the kitchen. She never even saw it coming.

Staggering backwards until her backside came in sharp contact with the oven doors, she grabbed at her throbbing cheek. Glaring up at him through narrowed eyes, her insides seethed.

_How fucking DARE he?!_ she raged internally. _After the fucking day I've had, he's going to fucking hit me? Screw this. Screw him. I'm done._

She tried fruitlessly to jerk loose of the hold he still had on her, but his iron grip was unrelenting. He dragged her forward effortlessly until her body was pressed against his own.

"What the fuck you thinkin', Bella? Questioning me like you're my damn mother. _I'm_ the fucking man, here!"

"God forbid someone question your actions, _dear_," she threw back at him, throwing any sense of self preservation she normally had right along with it.

_Hello Anger. Meet Death Wish. You two ought to get along nicely._

She was prepared this time and braced herself for the impact that was sure to come as a result of her words.

He didn't disappoint.

He rarely did when it came to this.

Landing another open palmed smack on her already stinging cheek, he laughed cruelly at her sharp intact of breath.

"Act like a bitch, get slapped like one. Honestly, Honey, you should know this by now."

"That I should," she answered quietly.

The movement was so swift, it caught her off guard. Jacob's hand was little more than a blur of movement through the air before it connected with it's target, the sound of skin hitting skin was powerful and rang in her ears, making her see red. Half crocked or not, Jacob's aim was impeccable. Her cheek prickled annoyingly from the repeat blows to it.

She glared up at him defiantly through streaming eyes. "If you're going to keep using me as your punching bag, would you mind picking another spot? I think you've pretty much covered that one."

He answered with another malicious blow to her already stinging face.

_Apparently not._

Shaking her ruthlessly again, he lowered his face until he was eye level with hers.

"Want to hit me back, don't you? I'll give you one. Go on! Take your best shot," he sneered at her.

"No, Jake. I wouldn't do that. That'd just be cruel."

Number Five.

"You're right, it would. Now, how about telling me why you smell like a fucking vampire?"

"I'm not sure, Jacob. Maybe it's your sinuses? When's the last time you saw a doctor?" Before he could stop her, she went on. "Not to mention, when's the last time you got a good whiff of yourself? You're not smelling the sweetest either there, Darling."

Judging by the power behind Number Six, Jacob was inclined to disagree with that statement.

She probably should start biting her tongue. Any time now if she wanted to feel this side of her face for the next week. The skin was already pulling taut, a dull fire burning through it, tightening as it went. There would be swelling for sure tomorrow, if it hadn't started already.

"Do I look stupid?" he asked, low and dangerous.

Silence.

Hello, Number Seven.

"Let's try this again, shall we?" He was taunting her now, actually turned on by her talking back to him. She had a gut feeling this was just going to be all the more worse for her in the long run. But damn it all, that filter that was normally firmly in place between her brain and her mouth seemed like it had gotten up and strolled off down the street.

She hesitated too long in her answer for his liking. He didn't hesitate nailing her with Number Eight.

Okay, this was getting ridiculous. She had completely lost all feeling in her right arm by this point and her left cheek was now of fire. It was time to defuse the situation. Quickly.

Ever the master mind, Jacob was one step ahead of her.

"Finish dinner. You and I will finish this later," he said, indicating the lack of space between them. "Understand? Oh, and while you're at it - make sure to wash that God awful smell off you. The whole place reeks of that shit, just like those fucking leeches. It's making me sick to my damn stomach." With that, he finally released her and turned away. No doubt heading to get another beer and then plop down on the couch in front of the TV until dinner was done.

_Fucking King Tut over there_, she thought bitterly.

Turning back towards the stove, she muttered under her breath: "Better to smell like leech than wet dog...."

The pan holding the hot grease and steaks was suddenly wrenched from the stove in front of her, and brought threateningly over her head. Hardly daring to breath, she froze on the spot immediately, willing or restraining herself from making any sudden movements. She was still planning her best course of action when Jacob's mouth leaned down toward her ear, causing an unnatural shiver to run down her spine. Clenching her fists down at her sides, she squeezed her eyes firmly shut.

"Care to repeat that, _LOVE?_"

* * *

**A/N:** Keep your eyes peeled for some outtakes that should be posted up shortly (as in the next day or so) as a seperate story. As of right now, they're going to be incredibly raw, incredibly unedited and not all from Bella's POV.

Hopefully, they'll answer some questions as well as give some insight to what other's are thinking aside from Bella. That's the plan anyways.

As always, thanks to **LizBit **and **RayneKaplan **and of course, EVERYONE who reviews. You guys keep me writing like a fool. I'm going to have to start looking up some new show tunes. I've exhausted all the time honored favorites thanks to you all.


	11. Chapter 11

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN AN iPOD. I DO NOT, HOWEVER, OWN TWILIGHT.**

**To find myself again  
My walls are closing in  
(Without a sense of confidence, I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)  
I've felt this way before  
So insecure**

**Crawling in my skin  
These wounds, they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real**

**- _Crawling_**** - Linkin Park**

* * *

Random Fact: Hot grease _burns_.

Jacob had only allowed a trickle of the fiery liquid to hit her arm before he flicked the pan back upright. That one trickle was her undoing. Gone was the defiance that had been raging in her only moments before. In its place was the rawest of pains and the most basic of defeats. Jacob was stronger. Jacob was always going to be stronger, and here was the physical proof of that, sizzling on her arm.

And still, if that wasn't enough, he taunted her. His words begging for another response. Not that it mattered anymore. No. He was in his prime now, fueled by her earlier retorts. Nothing she said or did at this point would deter him.

She'd made a fatal mistake.

"Aw, does that hurt, Bells Honey?" he asked breathlessly in her ear.

She whimpered. She could feel the tears pouring down her face and she was powerless to stop them. She cursed her treacherous body for showing the physical signs of her weakness and pain. She had felt so strong such a short time ago and now it was taking every bit of her strength to not cry out loud.

She hunched over, an involuntary movement, and kept her back to Jacob. She could feel his breath coming out in excited puffs and the feel of them on the back of her neck made her sick.

_He's getting off on this_, she realized with a nauseating jolt to her stomach. _He's getting off on watching me suffer._

She couldn't give him that satisfaction. She wouldn't. Not tonight. Not after knowing how badly he wanted it. If nothing else, she'd hold it all together, suffer in stoic silence before she gave him the one thing he so desperately wanted to witness.

Her breaking.

_I'm already broken, damn it. You've seen to that._

His words were still biting, jeering, even through her train of thought.

"I said, does it hurt?" He questioned hatefully. "Tell me, Bella. Don't make me remind you so soon after the first time. You know how much I hate to see you hurt."

_Right. About as much as I'd hate to see _you _hurt_.

He grabbed ruthlessly at the burned spot on her arm, displeased with her failure to respond. Twisting her around to face him fully, he bent slightly to gaze into her face. She harshly bit her lip to prevent herself from making a sound.

He wasn't having that.

Unmercifully, he applied pressure with his thumb, curiously watching her face for a reaction.

Everything in her world was working against her, it would seem. Before she could stop herself, she yelped pathetically.

"Aw, Bells Honey, are you crying?" he mockingly cooed. His eyes lit up at the sight of her tears.

_I hate him_, she thought viciously. _I hate him and if he dropped dead right now, I'd spit on his body and dance circles around it._

Refusing to meet his derisive eyes, she blinked frantically to clear the tears clouding her vision. Gut instinct dictated that she needed to be able to see. To see was to know, and above all else she had to know what was coming next.

Her gut instinct was right, as it usually was. No sooner than her vision had been marginally restored, then Jacob violently tossed the pan back on the stove. From her peripheral vision, she watched in horror as the steaks flew in one direction and the hot grease flew through the air in another.

As though clairvoyant, she saw perfectly what would happen seconds before it did. As much as she could manage with Jacob's firm grip on her still scalding arm, she arched her back against the onslaught.

The blistering liquid hit her with a sickening splat, managing to burn spectacularly even through her knit top.

Her scream bounced against the kitchen walls, rebounding back, and hitting her ear drums with as much as force as it had been tossed out with.

"That's right. Stings a little, doesn't it?"

'A little sting' didn't remotely begin to cover what her back felt like in that moment. The pain was so great, so possessing, it made her lightheaded. Her skin crawled with the sensation of a million tiny pokers searing into her flesh, ripping her apart as it traveled the course of her entire body. Her breath was coming out in short, harsh gasps and she realized she was on the verge of hyperventilating. With his free hand, Jacob clutched at her back, crushing her body back into his own. He was shaking violently and it was shaking her as a result.

"TELL ME!" he screamed from above her.

She couldn't even remember what she was supposed to be telling him anymore.

Her failure to answer his demand resulted in her body coming in rough contact with the floor as he threw her away from him. Tears once again threatened to obscure her vision as her hip took the brunt of the impact. Between the mind-numbing pain from her burning back, and the throbbing ache in her now bruised hip, she could barely think straight.

She was desperate to crawl away from him and curl up in the furthest corner of the room, she wanted to make herself into as small of a target as possible. It was instinct to do these things; an instinct that was hard to ignore. Any and all pride left in her, however, screamed for that instinct to shut the hell up.

In the end, they compromised somewhere in the middle.

Scrambling further away from the now advancing Jacob, she pulled herself up into a more dignified up-right position. She jutted her chin out slightly, in what she hoped what a self respecting manner.

The lethal gleam in his eyes all but made her cower beneath him.

"YOU FUCKING SMELL LIKE THEM! WHY DO YOU SMELL LIKE THEM!?" he screamed with the air of a mad man. Standing directly over her now, she couldn't help but feel like she was the prey to the predator.

He was past the point of enraged, and for the life of her, she just couldn't figure out how he'd gotten there. She was also at a loss as to how to defuse the situation. He was too far gone in his anger, visibly trembling from the power of it.

_Trembling?!_ she realized with a panicked start. _Oh shit. Shitshitshit._

His chest was heaved, and through widened, terrified eyes she watched as his shirt seemed to stretch and pull at the seams.

_Not again. Not again. Not again._

The air around him was quivering as if excited by the magical current flowing through it. Any minute now would be it. She had only seen this process a handful of times, and she was still trying with everything in her might to forget them.

Through her haze-filled mind, she registered the sound of the front door opening hastily, as if whoever had turned the knob had done so with great urgency. Still too lost in her fear, she didn't so much as glance up when she felt another presence join them.

"Jake!" a man's panicked voice exclaimed loudly. "What the hell are you doing?!"

"Get out of here, Seth," Jacob answered, his voice coming out sounding gruff and strained.

Seth. It was Seth Clearwater who had stumbled in on this disturbing scene. Bella clenched her eyes closed, scared to see the reaction on his face, though she wasn't sure why.

"Naw, man. You gotta stop, dude. It's Bella. This is Bella. You gotta stop. This isn't cool, man. This isn't you."

Bless him, he wasn't going to back down. He truly believed the words that were coming out of his mouth.

_Oh Seth, _she thought remorsefully. _But it is_ him._This is the real Jacob Black. The one you never get to see._

"I mean it, Seth." Jacob's voice broke through her thoughts. "Beat it. This doesn't concern you."

_Don't leave, _she prayed silently. _Don't listen to him. Don't leave me. Stay. Please...._

She could feel Seth's eyes on her face, willing her to look back at him. She forced herself to open her eyes and meet his startled gaze. He searched her expression speculatively for a moment, looking for something that she wasn't sure of. Whatever it was, she hoped it was the answer to her silent pleas. Wordlessly, she tried with everything in her to convey what she wanted, no _needed_, him to do. To ignore Jacob's words and stay. To help her calm the still quaking man in front of her; the one whose control was holding on by the barest of threads. The situation had taken a quick downward spiral and was now beyond her influence.

Seth broke the stare first. His jaw set firmly with determination, he turned back to Jacob.

"I ain't going anywhere, Jake. You gotta stop this. Get yourself under control."

It was at the moment Bella realized Seth was stark naked. She had the urge to giggle stupidly at that revelation. What would bring Seth to their house, naked, right in the nick of time was beyond her.

She glanced over at Jacob, curious to see how he was reacting to these words.

Not too well.

They didn't seem to be registering with him, or else he was choosing to ignore them. He was still standing over her, hunched slightly, breathing as if he'd just gotten through running a marathon. His dark eyes had a maniacal gleam to them, too black to be considered completely human. Looking into them, she felt a whole new kind of fear well up inside her. It crawled beneath her skin, rising up to her throat, choking her.

It was the fear that told her that if something didn't give way soon, these inhuman eyes would be the last thing she would ever see alive.

Seth seemed to come to the same conclusion at the same time. Cautiously, he took a step in Jacob's direction, hands raised up in front of him as if assuring Jacob he was an ally.

"Jake, man. Listen to me. You have to stop." His words were careful, even, so calm they could have come from a well practiced negotiator.

But the rage made Jacob immune to Seth's efforts. The air around him quivered and hummed with excitement and fury, shivering around his body. Gnashing his teeth together loudly, he shuddered violently and her eyes stared on in horror as his clothes stretched impossibly, tugging and pulling every which way until it seemed they would disappear from existence under the strain of Jacob's growing flesh.

Seth's eyes widened in panic. Frantically, he half turned in Bella's direction, at the same time closing the distance between his and Jacob's bodies.

"GO! NOW!"

She didn't need to be told twice.

Not pausing to worry for the safety of her impromptu rescuer, she scrambled up from her position off the floor. She could feel Jacob's eyes boring into her back as she raced for the door. She could only hope Seth's grip on him was strong enough to keep him from pursuing her.

Reaching the door, she flung it open, the cool air hitting her in the face. Behind her, two identical ripping noises could be heard, one right after the other, followed by a deep, fierce growl.

She flung herself out into the night without hesitation.

Her feet barely touched the uneven walkway as she flew down the path towards her car. She was reaching for the handle several steps before she even got there, only to stop dead in her tracks as a horrible realization dawned on her.

"SHIT!" she spat, a wild hysteria filling her.

Her keys were exactly where she had left them earlier.  
In the house.  
On the counter.

"FUCK!"

She didn't waste time. Horrifying crashes were coming from just inside the house now, drawing ever closer to where she stood in the middle of the driveway.

Abandoning her car, she raced across the small side yard and into the treeline, desperation clinging to her. She didn't want to be caught here in this thin patch of trees. Visions of Jacob breaking free from Seth flashed before her eyes. He'd have the advantage here in these dark surroundings; his prowling, wolfish eyes better equipped to see around him than hers. That thought pushed her, propelling her forward faster. She was able to clear exposed roots like an experienced long jumper, with a grace she didn't normally possess.

It seemed as though it had been days, rather than mere hours ago Emmett had asked her, _"Did you take up track or something?"_

He hadn't witnessed the half of it.

Breaking through the other side of the trees, she sprinted towards the direction of where she knew the street ended and the main road started. Where to go or what to do once she got there, she was unsure.

She was close now and she wasn't even sure how that was possible. Not that she was going to waste much time analyzing the dynamics of it. It was enough that she could see the headlights from passing cars, beckoning her on like beacons of hope. She'd never been so grateful for the sight of them. Pushing herself harder still, she raced towards them, convinced she could feel the presence of someone close behind her.

The pounding of her feet against the cold pavement rang in her ears, her breath coming out in harsh pants as came to the end of her road. She stopped suddenly, realizing she didn't know what direction to go from there.

Just as she was deciding to run left, one of the headlights from the passing cars did a sharp u-turn in the middle of the road, swinging around so the passenger door was facing her.

It screeched to a halt, and the window rolled down.

"Get in," a musical voice demanded, so flowing it could have been singing.

Without pause, without stopping to consider the deja vu of those very words, Bella opened the car door and flung herself onto the seat.

The car was already in motion before the door slammed closed beside her.

* * *

**A/N:** Yikes. I'm so sorry about the wait for this chapter. I pretty much disappeared off the face of the online world. I knew a break was coming up, I just had no idea it was going to be happening so soon. My husband came home on a short leave, so I've been trying to crunch as much time together into a month as humanly possible.

HUGE HUGE HUGE thanks to both Liz and Rayne for their tireless editing skills and for pretty much being completely amazing and patient. A gal couldn't ask for much more.

And HUGE HUGE HUGE thanks to EVERYONE who has reviewed and messaged and has basically been the most crazy patient people ever. You all completely rock.

Now, I'm going to be completely honest and say that there's a good chance it'll be about a week or so for another update, I haven't even typed up Chapter 12 for Liz and Rayne yet, that's how horribly behind I am. BUT to make up for me sucking at life, I'll make you all a deal. Leave me a SIGNED review as to who you think is in the car, and I'll message you back and let you know if you're right or not. I won't TELL you who it is if you got it wrong, but you at least know if you're on the right track or not.

Okay, so maybe I'm partially whoring myself out for a few more reviews, but whatever. It's a double edged sword. Give and take, baby. Give and take.


	12. Chapter 12

**DISCLAIMER: SM OWNS TWILIGHT. I GOT A NEW PAIR OF SHOES TODAY, THOUGH.**

**Lost and insecure  
You found me, you found me  
Lying on the floor  
Surrounded, surrounded  
Why'd you have to wait?  
Where were you, where were you  
Just a little late  
You found me, you found me**

**-_You Found Me_ - The Fray.**

* * *

_  
I'm a fucking hypocrite_, Bella thought, full of self-loathing and doubt.

Somewhere out there a book on Proper Etiquette for the Rescuee had probably been published. In it, there was no doubt a full chapter on properly thanking your rescuer.

Too bad no one had thought to give her _that_ particular present for Christmas.

She was aware that something needed to be said to her savior, some sort of gratitude expressed. However, try as she might, she was clueless as to how to go about breaking the ice in order to do it.

_I wonder if there's like, a five second rule for this shit_, she thought wildly. _You know, where you have to at least acknowledge your knight in designer armor in such amount of time. If there is, I missed the mark by about five minutes._

Now that she was finally sitting, rather than channeling her inner gazelle, the adrenaline was starting to wear off, leaving in its wake the blistering presence of undiluted pain. Her scorching back felt as though flames were running the length of it, making her feel light headed and shaky. Fumbling blindly on the door panel, she searched for the button that controlled the windows, knowing the crisp night air wouldn't effect the driver one way or the other. Finally locating it, she pressed in what she hoped was the "down" position.

Nothing happened.

Confused, she squinted, struggling to see in the dim lights emitted by the dashboard. The button was correct, but no matter how hard she pressed in either direction, the window stayed stubbornly in place. Giving up, she flopped back frustrated, temporarily forgetting her pain, only to be reminded of it as her back came in contact with the seat.

"Sorry," chimed the musical voice from her left. "Child safety locks. I always forget about those."

The window rolled down as Bella nodded, the cool air washing over her grateful body, easing the heat marginally.

Without taking her eyes off the road in front of her, she said so quietly that had it been anyone else they wouldn't have heard her, "different car."

She felt her nose wrinkle in disgust. She had been aiming for a greeting, what had come out was anything but. A beat or so later, she added a slight incline of her head, hoping that would suffice.

From her side vision, she saw Alice turn slightly to beam at her. Bella fought the impulse to clutch at her seat in terror. The sleek car they were sitting in was traveling down the road at a terrific speed. It was unnerving to know that the person who was in control of it had her eyes somewhere other than in front of her where they should be.

If Alice knew of her internal struggle, she gave no signs of it. Instead, she continued to stare at Bella with that alarmingly wide smile on her face.

"You like it?" She asked brightly. "I had a vision awhile back of driving one. The vision shifted, but I still had to have the car. She's my baby."

Bella nodded absently. She sensed a deeper story there, but Alice made no attempts to elaborate on it, and Bella found she just didn't care enough to ask.

_I'm a fucking hypocrite,_ she thought again.

Alice hadn't moved from her position and Bella could feel her eyes gazing eagerly at her profile. Heaving a sigh, she turned reluctantly to fully face the small girl, her actions uncoordinated and jerky due to the stiffness and radiating heat in her back.

Not that she possessed much coordination to begin with.

Alice's radiant smile faltered as she took in the sight of Bella's face straight on. Fleetingly, Bella wondered how much of her make up was still in tact from earlier. Immediately, she felt foolish for even thinking of something so trivial. Her swollen cheek felt like it was on full display, the soft glow of the dashboard illuminating it perfectly.

A low hiss built up in the back of Alice's throat and Bella had to bite the inside of her cheek in order to contain the smug smile that threatened to escape.

_Drink it in_, she thought perversely. _This is what you left behind. Shocking, isn't it? I hope this is what he had in mind when he said he wanted me to be human_.

Alice shook her delicate head and for an alarming second, Bella felt sure that Alice had somehow managed to tap into her thoughts.

"It is worse than I seen," she proclaimed sadly, putting Bella's brief fear to rest. She continued to study Bella's face intently, as if she was an intriguing science project or perhaps had just announced she was the missing link.

Bella raised one eyebrow, pushing aside the feelings of self consciousness as Alice stared unabashedly at her.

"Excuse me?" she asked, proud of herself for how unimpressed she sounded.

She had been hoping her attempt at nonchalance would be enough to fluster the tiny girl, effectively pulling the unwanted attention off her battered and pathetic form.

She was disappointed. Greatly.

Alice just shook her head in response, her shocked eyes never lingering from Bella's face.

Bella felt a twinge of annoyance spark in her. Not as much as she would have liked, but it was enough to make her feel empowered, albeit, unjustly. She had lost every aspect of control on her life through the day, that touch of emotion felt like a foothold, loose but sure. Something she was able to grasp onto and begin the process of seizing back power over her situation.

It was a pathetic and desperate thought, she knew that. But it was hers, and she wanted to hold on to it with everything in her.

Realizing Alice wasn't going to properly answer her question, she tried a different approach.

"So, what are you doing here?" she asked. _Not that I'm not grateful and a fucking hypocrite for it_, she concluded in her head.

"Saving you, of course," Alice answered simply, with only a ghost of an eye roll.

_Of course_.

"But why?" Bella asked, a hint of impatience making itself known in her voice.

"Because it was needed, obviously." Bella's impatience was echoed in Alice's reply.

Bella felt a scowl over take her features.

"Yeah, okay. But why now?" She asked.

Alice seemed put out for the briefest of seconds. The moment didn't last long.

"I wasn't - - Well, I don't know how to word it, Bella," Alice said slowly, her face the mask of apologetic.

Bella suddenly felt a wave of exhaustion sweep over her. Reluctantly, she tried to fight it off, wanting answers before she gave into it.

"Just say it, Alice," she half yawned.

"Edward wouldn't let me."

Bella nodded once and turned back to stare at the darkened, deserted road. She wasn't sure what Edward wouldn't let Alice do exactly, and she didn't really want to know. Hearing his name for the second time that day tore at the always present wound in her chest. Subconsciously, she felt her hands move towards her heart, as if by applying pressure she could calm the storm raging from within.

Sitting next to Alice, listening to her speak rapidly as if a day hadn't passed since they last saw each other, Bella felt like she was getting a glimpse into another life. A life she should have had, had it not been ripped from her against her will. The thought made her bitter. She blocked out the words as Alice spoke them, not wanting to listen anymore.

The weight of the night was pressing down on her and as they passed another faded mile marker, she began to doubt her actions.

_What am I doing?_ she questioned herself. _I'm leaving tonight, but what about tomorrow? Or the next day? I have nowhere to go. This is it. Jacob is what I have._

The realization was harsh, but it was truth, angry and painful as it was.

"Where are we going?" she asked suddenly, only half aware she was interrupting Alice mid sentence. The voice that came from her could have been a stranger's. It didn't even sound as if it were her own.

"Seattle," Alice told her. Bella felt the frown coming from her rather than saw it.

"What's in Seattle?" she asked, surprised.

"Probably a hotel."

Bella nodded once again and let her eyes slide closed. She'd worry over the details tomorrow, she decided. Right now, she just wanted to sleep. Sleep and forget. Her limbs were heavy with fatigue, her head felt as if it wasn't even connected to the rest of her body.

The gentle vibrations of the car's movement and the barely audible purr from the engine patiently lulled her to sleep. As the last of the adrenaline left her weary body, she felt her consciousness slipping blissfully away.

Somewhere from the edge of abyss, Bella heard Alice's voice calling her name, beckoning her back from the beyond. She frowned, unhappy with the intrusion.

"What?" she all but slurred out the word, not bothering to open her eyes.

"Where's your daughter?"

* * *

**A/N:** Holy hell, you all did me good last chapter! Everyone crack a bottle for 101 reviews! You guys are amazing in every way possible. I tried to get this chapter done as quickly as possible for the ones that all but demanded it, and HUGE thanks goes out once again to **Liz** and **Rayne** for making that possible.

Quite a few of you were able to correctly guess who was in the car. I tip my hat to you, or I would, if I was wearing one. Even the ones that didn't guess correctly made some amazing guesses, a couple of them got me feeling pretty jealous that I hadn't come up with something so ingenious.

Leave me a review with your theories, I love hearing them. I won't whore myself out this time around, but I try my hardest to respond to each and every one. ;)


	13. Chapter 13

**DISCLAIMER: STILL DON'T OWN TWILIGHT.**

**Way down yonder, down in the meadow  
Lies a poor little child  
The bees and the flies are pickin' out its eyes  
The poor little child crying for its mother  
Oh, crying for its mother**

**- All the Pretty Horses - Calexico**

* * *

"My--my -- WHAT?!" Bella stammered, her eyes flying open in shock, exhaustion forgotten.

"Your daughter, Bella." Alice stressed the word as if she was under the impression Bella was remedial. "Where is she? Did you leave her somewhere safe? I'm not trying to question your abilities as a mother, I promise, but if you need to go back for her, we can. We haven't gone that far."

Bella could feel her mouth hanging open, gaping at Alice. She tried to force is shut, only for it to drop open again of it's own accord. For a few awkwardly silent moments, Bella could do little more than stare at Alice, a dumbfounded expression on her face. Alice eyed her right back, confusion rippling across her features.

"I have no idea what you're talking about..." Bella finally said at long last, trailing off utterly speechless. As the words left her mouth, a heavy dread filled her, twisting her insides to the point of nauseousness.

Alice's eyebrows seemed to disappear into her hairline. Through narrowed eyes, she gazed at Bella suspiciously.

"Your daughter," she repeated slowly yet firmly, as if she was explaining a difficult math problem to a kindergartner. "Honestly, Bella, you can't have changed that much since I've been gone. How could you forget about your own child?"

Bella shook her head slowly in response, still perplexed. A sneaking suspicion was creeping up on her, the dread still wreaking havoc on her insides increasing tenfold.

"I don't have a daughter," she reiterated, praying for a divine intervention to save her from this conversation. Somehow she just knew where this was all going, as if she'd managed to tap into Alice's abilities, and she wanted nothing more than to stop it in its tracks.

Alice's face was the picture of pristine befuddlement.

"But, I saw..." she started.

"It doesn't matter _what _you saw! I don't have a child, daughter or otherwise!" Bella snapped at her. While her words were harsh, even she could detect the underlying hint of sadness lacing her reply.

It was quiet for a minute and Bella could feel the barrage of questions still hanging in the air. She closed her eyes against them, wishing they would disappear. Wishing she could disappear.

_Lord_, she prayed silently. _I know you and I haven't been on the best of terms, but if you could do me this one favor, I'll never in my life ask another thing from you. Just take me now. Throw a tree in the middle of the road or something. It won't kill Alice, but if you could just -- you know, off me right now, that'd be great. Thanks. Over and out. Or Amen. Or whatever._

She could feel Alice's eyes on her still and she clenched her own shut even tighter. She was sure she looked like a fool, but the notion didn't bother her in the slightest.

"What happened?" Alice finally asked quietly.

Bella felt a whoosh of air leave her lungs that she hadn't realized she had been holding onto. Her entire body seemed to deflate as she slowly opened her eyes to return Alice's gaze.

"What did you see?" she asked, wincing noticeably with a forlorn tone in her voice.

"You were pregnant," Alice accused, as if it had been stated otherwise.

Bella hesitated briefly before nodding once in confirmation. Alice's lovely face twisted into an ugly grimace.

"I don't understand," Alice admitted. "This doesn't make sense."

Bella glanced out her window in an effort to buy some time to come up with an answer. Alice, she knew, was waiting for an explanation and she searched the dark fruitlessly for a vague enough one.

_I could jump really quick. Road rash would probably hurt less than what I'm supposed to say._

From the reflection in the glass of the window, she saw Alice extend a pale hand in her direction.

_Damn. I didn't even fully make up my mind on that one._

Giving up her useless search, she turned back to face Alice's tense and anxious expression. Bella glanced pointedly at the hand hovering in the space between them before she spoke. With a sheepish grin, Alice withdrew it and placed it back on the steering wheel. Arching one eyebrow, she looked at Bella with a face that plainly stated: "Now talk."

"It - uh- didn't work out," Bella told her, praying that would be enough to satisfy Alice's curiosity. Her pitiful response could be taken in many different ways, which was exactly what she was aiming for.

"Didn't work out, how?" Alice pressed gently, not taking the bait.

"It's a long story," Bella tried again, getting the idea that her pathetic attempt to sway Alice from this conversation was a wasted effort.

"It's a long ride," Alice countered.

_Damn._

"Well, it was an accident," Bella stated, cringing at her choice of words.

_So much for vague._

"What do you mean it was an _accident_?!" Alice's bell-like voice teetered on the shrill side as she clearly fought to keep her reaction under control.

Bella sighed and ran a hand over her face, barely biting back a hiss as she came in contact with her still throbbing cheek.

"Well, you see..." she started again.

"No, I don't see! That's the problem!" Alice interrupted impatiently. "What I saw was you, pregnant. With a daughter. You were having a girl. Your and Ephraim Black's daughter."

She frowned slightly before speaking again."But that doesn't make sense. How could you be having a child with Ephraim Black? He's dead. Has been for years, the way I understand it. I would have seen, Bella. I would have known if something happened, but there's nothing. I see you pregnant. You know it's a girl. You know who the father is and you seemed happy. And then? nothing. You're gone."

Bella's throat constricted painfully as she fought back the tears Alice's words evoked. Memories plagued her senses, threatening to assault her with their demanding presence.

"It's black," Alice concluded softly, a far off look in her eyes.

Bella's heart felt as though it would pound its way right out of her chest. She stared in panic at Alice, terrified of the possibilities of what the other girl was currently 'seeing'.

After what seemed like hours, but probably amounted to no more than a few minutes, Alice's eyes came back into focus. With a slight frown, she shifted her face to gaze out the windshield at the road before them. Through all of that, the car hadn't so much as wavered from its straight course in the middle of their own lane. Bella searched the small girl's profile fearfully, knowing with absolute certainty what the next words out of Alice's mouth would be.

"It's black," Alice repeated, the frustration she felt evident.

Bella's breath caught in her throat.

"I don't understand. I search and I search, but there's just nothing there," Alice continued. "You're not telling me something and I should be able to see it, but I just can't."

She turned to look at Bella again.

"You smell awful," she informed her seriously.

"Gee, thanks," Bella replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

Cautiously, she leaned back against the seat and closed her eyes, hoping the action would be enough to deter Alice from asking anymore questions she was reluctant to answer.

Wishful thinking in its purest form.

"Why do you stay?" Alice asked suddenly.

Bella cracked open one eye and glanced at her. "What do you mean?" she asked, feigning ignorance.

"It's obvious what's happening there, Bella. One look at you shows as much. So, why are you still there?"

Bella sighed and closed her eye again.

"I don't know," she admitted.

That was the truth. It had been a question she'd asked herself on more than one occasion and every time she came up with a different answer, each a bit more pathetic than the last.

"Surely Charlie knows what's going on. Why hasn't he stepped in?" Alice commented absently, apparently pondering out loud.

"I suspect he was catching onto something before he died," Bella answered coolly, knowing her words bordered on the line of cruel. It was obvious that Alice was completely in the dark about Charlie's death judging by her statement. The way Bella had just informed her of it wasn't exactly tactful.

"What did you just say?" Alice asked shrilly.

"I said he died. A year ago," Bella stated monotonously, not even bothering to open her eyes.

"What happened?!" Alice exclaimed shocked.

"Accident," Bella stated simply. She ignored the feelings of guilt nagging at her over speaking of her father's death so callously, but she was spent. The range of her emotions over the course of the day had drained her effectively.

She knew Alice was nowhere done talking or giving the Spanish Inquisition a run for their money, but Bella just couldn't bear the thought or reliving anymore painful memories that night. Not bothering to stifle her yawn, she interrupted Alice's endless stream of condolences and apologies.

"Wake me up when we get..where ever it is we're going," Bella requested numbly.

She heard Alice agree reluctantly before she let the exhaustion claim her for good this time.

Tomorrow, there would be decisions to make and hell to pay.  
Tonight, she'd sleep.

* * *

**A/N: **Who wins the award for the longest day ever written? This girl does. 10 Chapters for ONE day. Poor Bella. I put her through the ringer.

The usual thanks goes out to the usual girls, **Liz** and **Rayne**. They redefine amazing.

I was only able to reply to a few of your reviews, due to the fact that my husband shipped out over the weekend, so the week has been pretty hellish and crazy. I know I threw a few of you for a loop with the ending of the last chapter and then left you hanging. I'm sorry!

I love hearing from you guys though.. even if I do dabble in the suck side of things every now and again. You're the ones that keeps me writing like a fool.


	14. Chapter 14

DISCLAIMER: DID YOU KNOW!!! THAT I BOUGHT THE RIGHTS TO TWILIGHT AND THEREFORE I NOW OWN IT? JAYKAY JAYKAY. STILL ONLY OWN THAT iPOD. AND A KID. THE KID'S CUTE THOUGH, SO .. ALMOST MAKES UP FOR THE BITTER LOSS THAT IS THE CULLEN BOYS.

**I must have sneezed  
On knees I freeze  
I mean I just choked up  
But somehow I slept  
I dream, I mean  
I dreamt of nothing  
I'm able to breathe  
The sweet relief  
Now that you're here for me  
A northern degree  
Dove into me  
Now I'm recovering**

**(Chorus)  
Now I only want you to see  
My favorite part of me  
And not my ugly side**

**-Ugly Side - Blue October.**

* * *

"What do you mean he knows? How could he possibly know?!"

Alice's whimsical voice filtered abruptly into Bella's dream. Frowning in her sleep, Bella tried to make sense of what she was hearing.

"Rosalie called him."

_Is that Jasper's voice? Why in God's name am I dreaming about Jasper and Alice?_ Bella mused, somewhere from the hazy land between sleeping and fully awake.

"He wasn't meant to know yet! This isn't good!" Alice hissed shrilly. "Why would Rosalie tell him? I trusted her not to say anything!"

"Did you tell her that?" Jasper asked calmly.

"Well, no! But I figured she possessed enough common sense! I just knew I should have had one of you warn them to keep quiet. Oh, why would she go and say something _now_?" From the way Alice's voice was carrying, Bella could tell she was pacing, though the footsteps were inaudible.

"I don't know why you bothered telling Rosalie in the first place. Carlisle and Esme, I understand. But Rosalie?" The disdain was evident in Jasper's voice, and with it, the barest hint of a southern accent made itself known.

_I didn't realize Jasper was from the south_, Bella thought, amused. _Not that we've ever had many heart to hearts for that to be brought to my attention._

"She was there when I had the vision! Plus ,I figured with her history, she'd be a good ally!" Alice's voice cut through Bella's revelation. "Where's Emmett?"

"He's in the parking lot near your car. Given the events from yesterday, we figured it be best if only one of us came up," Jasper answered smoothly.

And just like that, Bella realized this wasn't a dream as a flood of memories came rushing back to her in fragmented scenes that she struggled to decipher.

_Angela.  
Port Angeles. La Bella Italia.  
Jasper and Emmett standing across the street from her, slack-jawed.  
Emmett reaching for her car's stereo.  
Jacob.  
Grease.  
Seth.  
Trees.  
A yellow Porsche.  
Seattle.  
Alice._

_Shit._

With a gasp, Bella's eyes flew open, disorientation clouding her senses. The room she was in was unfamiliar, but had that classic 'hotel room' feel about it. The bed was plush and comfortable, hinting at expensive not so subtly. Shifting her gaze to her left, Bella caught sight of a small card laying next to the room's phone on the nightstand, informing her she was in the Crowne Plaza. That fact alone was enough to confirm whom she was currently sharing a room with.

Though, after a wary glance around, it appeared as though she was actually alone.

_That's strange. I know I just heard Alice and Jasper. That part couldn't have been a dream_, she thought confused.

The door to the room was slightly ajar, and through it, Alice's voice floated in from the hallway.

"Oh, that's smart! The one person who has the means of calming him down is up here while the one person who manages to get the most under his skin is out there to stall him? This is just great! Emmett will use the only thing he's got. Brute force! That won't attract attention or anything!"

"Alice, Emmett is smarter than that. He won't do anything rash out in the open," Jasper assured her patiently.

"Whatever," Alice said, clearly exasperated. "He's coming for certain though, isn't he?"

Attempting to sit up, Bella cringed as her back stuck uncomfortably to the bed beneath her. Tears involuntary sprang into her eyes as she forced herself to push past the pain and pull herself into an upright position. The skin back there felt as though it wasn't large enough to cover the area it was assigned to, and was pulled taunt against her spine. Sitting up fully now, she turned her attention away from her own misery and craned her neck forward, attempting to see through the small space between the door and the jam. From her position on the bed, Alice and Jasper were out of eyesight, but she could now see that they were actually standing in a small sitting room connected to the bedroom, rather than out on the floor's hallway.

For the second time in 24 hours, a sense of déjà vu overcame her.

"From the way Rosalie explained it, he set out as soon as he talked to her," Jasper answered Alice's earlier question. Apparently they were oblivious to the fact their conversation was being eavesdropped on.

"But when will he be here?" Alice asked, her voice abruptly taking on a strangely vacant, unreadable tone.

The room beyond was suddenly utterly silent, without so much as a noise in the background. Bella fought to keep her breathing under control, knowing that they would be able to hear it and her erratic heartbeat easily. Frantically, she replayed the conversation she just overheard, scrambling to identify the "he" they were referring to. No matter how hard she tried, it kept coming back to the same name. She fought to keep herself stationary, as the impulse to run out there and find out what was happening became overwhelming.

_Five minutes. They have five minutes to start talking and start talking fast. If they don't, I'll go out there. Right now I'm better off in here as long as they stay clueless to the fact that I'm awake. They'll talk more freely. I'll find out more._

As though he'd just heard every word she'd thought, Jasper's head suddenly peered around the open door, gazing into her startled eyes.

With a start, Bella realized she was topless, save for her bra. Blushing furiously, she yanked the comforter up to her chin. Jasper offered her an apologetic smile before his head disappeared from view, leaving the door open.

_Great_, she thought furiously. _The jig is up. I'm such a fucking moron. He can fucking feel emotions and I'm sitting in here a nervous wreck. Like he wouldn't fucking know that something was going on!_

Now more than ever she yearned to discover what was lurking in that steep silence just beyond the door.

_If it wasn't for the fact I'm just in my bra, I'd be out there right now demanding answers to the fucking riddle their spewing. And where the hell is my shirt!?_ she ranted internally with no small amount of aggravation.

"He'll be here soon," Alice's voice rang out. "I need to get Bella up now."

"She's already awake," Jasper informed her. "And quite agitated, I might add."

"That makes two of us," Alice replied darkly before sweeping into the bedroom. "Bella! You're up! Great! So, listen, you must be starving. How about you take a quick shower and then you and I will go get something for you to eat? Sound good?"

Alice was a Class A actress. If Bella hadn't heard her moments before on the verge of a frenzy, Bella would have sworn up and down the false cheer dripping from Alice's voice was genuine.

"Where's my shirt?" Bella asked her, deadpanned.

"I had to get it off you last night after we got here," Alice answered in a rush. "You were out cold, but I couldn't let you sleep in that. It was stuck to your skin so badly I had to cut it off you. It was covered in the most disgusting substance I've ever seen or smelled before. There's a change of clothes for you in the bathroom, and I picked up some cream for your… injuries after you fell asleep. You'll need to put some more on after you get out of the shower. Hurry up, we really should get going!" She nudged Jasper in the ribs pointedly at the end of her explanation. Obediently, he turned to face the far wall, giving Bella the opportunity to take the robe Alice had somehow managed to materialize out of nowhere and slip it on in relative modesty. The material clung to her burns uncomfortably, but she kept her face neutral as she firmly tied the belt across her midsection.

"The bathroom is just off the sitting area. I had to guess at your pants size, but I'm fairly sure I got it right," Alice informed her after she was fully covered.

Bella nodded as she stood up slowly and crossed the room towards the door, irritation pouring out of her.

"She's frustrated," she heard Jasper tell Alice softly as she made her way across the sitting room towards the bathroom.

"Why?" Alice asked, shocked. Bella had to strain her ears to hear.

"Probably… … feel …. pity," Jasper responded, so low Bella was only able to catch every few words.

_That too_, she added in her head before sealing herself in the bathroom.

* * * * * *

Alice had done much more than procure a change of clothes and some cream for her. On the vast vanity counter of the bathroom, a small store bag containing new cosmetics, a hairbrush and some hair bands sat next to another bag holding clothes with the price tags still on them. The cost of the pants alone made Bella wince. Alongside all of that was a jar of ointment and a couple rolls of bandages.

Alice had truly covered all the bases.

Ignoring the shower, Bella grabbed a washcloth from its spot on the towel bar hanging across from the toilet and wet it down with water from the sink. Glancing up at her face in the mirror, she heaved a huge sigh at the sight before her before using the washcloth to wipe her face clean. By the time she was through, her cheek was protesting vehemently through throbs at the harsh treatment it had received. It was bruised today, just as she had expected it would be, a sickly yellow bruise that clashed wonderfully with her pale skin tone, and stuck out like a sore thumb.

One glance at her hair was enough to tell her that leaving it down and using it to further hide her face wasn't an option. She forced it back in a haphazard ponytail, securing it in place with one of the new hair bands Alice had provided before pulling out the make up. Bella knew before she started that it was a pointless effort, though it didn't stop her from trying to cover the marks half-heartedly. It was useless. Even through the layers of cosmetics, her swollen cheek was obvious. It wouldn't take vampiritic eye sight to spot it.

_At least the old marks are covered_, she thought with a sigh.

Twisting the top off the medicinal cream, she was surprised to see it had already been used.

_That's weird. I thought Alice said she just bought this._

Shrugging slightly, she discarded the robe and dug her fingers into the ointment before attempting to reach the burns on her back. Confusion gave way to shock when she encountered a thick layer of what she assumed was the cream on her hands already there. Thinking hard, she vaguely recalled Alice rolling her on her stomach last night when she was mostly knocked out.

_"You're lucky, I think. It looks like it's only 2nd degree, your shirt probably saved you from anything worse. This will help for now, but we'll have to put more on later if you want to keep the pain at bay."_

Bella wasn't sure if she had been dreaming that or not, and a moment after recalling the whisper, she decided she didn't care either way. Gritting her teeth, she rubbed the ointment on as best she could. Reaching back there was difficult, it probably would have been easier and less time consuming to call Alice in to assist her, but the thought of doing that made Bella cringe. She felt vulnerable enough already without adding to it.

As she extracted the clothes from their bag, she entertained the idea of pulling them straight on without covering the goop on her body with the bandages. She quickly nixed that idea feeling childish. No matter how bothered she felt by being in debt to someone, ruining things as expensive as these would be inexcusable behavior on her part. Sighing for what felt like the twentieth time that morning, she reached for the bandages, wrapping one around her burned arm and the other tightly yet awkwardly around her torso. Only then did she put on the jeans and long sleeved shirt that Alice had no doubt put a lot of thought into, despite their casualness.

She chanced a peek in the mirror, immediately disgusted by what she saw.

_Well, I'm covered at least. Too bad I look like two shades of death._

As she exited the bathroom, head hanging, she was able to hear the faint sounds of Alice and Jasper's voices coming from the direction of the bedroom.

"I just don't understand why you're whisking her off like this," Jasper was saying.

"Because it's bad timing! We don't know what is going on for sure! I want to help, Jasper. I can't risk her clamming up and blocking me out before I can do that!" Alice replied passionately.

"Think of Edward! He'd want to know!" Jasper pleaded, trying to reason with her.

Bella crept towards the bedroom door cautiously. Obviously their discussion was so heated, they hadn't yet detected her presence. The fact that they were speaking in tones she was clearly able to discern was odd, but she pushed the thought away.

_Stop over thinking things,_ she told herself sternly. _Who cares _why_ it's being done, just be thankful that it is and you can effing hear_.

"I'm sure he would!" Alice exclaimed. "But what Edward wants and Bella needs are two completely different things at this point. Bella takes precedent."

"Darlin', be reasonable. Edward loves Bella deeply. He deserves to be involved," Jasper said, calmness radiating from him, effecting Bella even where she stood a good 20 feet away from them.

"Like hell! He should have thought of that before he lied to her and took who should have been my best friend away from me! I'm not budging on this, Jasper. So knock off the feelings of complacency. I love you, but I'm right and I refuse to change my mind!"

Bella took another step towards the door, captivated by what she was overhearing.

_Lied? What did Edward lie about? Other than that whole, 'I love you' thing, of course.._

She was so consumed by her act of attempted spying, Bella missed the sound of the room's outer down opening and closing quietly from behind her.

"What are we listening to?" a voice asked suddenly from next to her, a large hand coming down to rest on her shoulder.

Shrieking loudly, Bella jumped away from the contact and clutched at her chest.

Emmett's booming laugh filled the room as Alice and Jasper's anxious faces appeared in the bedroom doorway.

"What happened?!" Alice demanded over the sound of Emmett's loud laughter.

"Classic!" Emmett roared, slapping Bella on the back of her shoulder hard enough to send her flying forward a couple of steps. Alice glared at him icily as Bella stumbled to regain her footing.

"That was fucking classic! You still got it, Bella. You still got it!" he continued, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye.

"Emmett! What are you doing up here!?" Alice exclaimed after he had somewhat gotten himself under control. "What happened to waiting by the car?!"

"Got bored," Emmett shrugged unconcerned, still chuckling under his breath. "Figured I'd check in up here to see what the plan was."

"The plan was for you to wait by the car for Edward, you big oaf!" Alice told him sternly. "Did you forget that?! Now, get back down there and head him off!"

The look on Emmett's face could have easily been that of a small child's, who had been caught in the midst of wrong doing.

"Fine, he mumbled, staring at his feet. "What are you all going to be doing in the mean time?"

"Bella and I will be going out," Alice replied shortly. "You and Jasper will wait for Edward to show up and inform him that we're already gone. Think you can handle that?"

"Don't bother," a velvety voice suddenly chimed in from the doorway behind them. "I'm already here."

* * *

**A/N:** You know the drill, HUGE HUGE thanks goes out to both **Lizbit** and **RayneKaplan** yet again for all their amazing work, both on this chapter as well as the rest of this story. I couldn't do it without them.

I promise, no tricksies this time. The velvet voice is none other than our gallant knight in shining Volvo. I've been cruel long enough. This chapter is quite a bit longer than the others, as demanded.. LOL. However, fair warning - as it stands right now, unless Liz and Rayne add to it when they get their hands on it, Chapter 15 won't be as long. I'm sorry! The muse is a spiteful bitch and I'm only allowed to control her to a certain extent.

Reviews are amazing, as are you guys. Keep the theories coming, I absolutely love them.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: SM OWNS MY SOUL. I MEAN TWILIGHT. AND MY SOUL.**

**I said I'd never leave, you'll never change  
I'm not satisfied with where I'm at in life.**

**Am I supposed to be happy?  
With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.**

**- _Cat and Mouse_ - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus**

**This chapter is dedicated to: Pixie1824 and all the other countless ladies who left me PMs, asking both sweetly for an update and/or demanding one. I finally delivered. Now I just hope you won't all flog me senselessly.  
**

* * *

Everything that followed seemed to happen in exaggerated slow motion.

Jasper and Alice's eyes shifted simultaneously to a spot just beyond Bella's shoulder as Emmett turned slowly from his spot next to her, following the other two's line of sight. Only Bella remained stubbornly in place, staring fixedly at Jasper's expression.

The tension in the room was so palpable, it could practically be tasted in the air. No one said a word for what felt like a long stretch of time; the ferocious beating of Bella's heart the only audible thing counteracting the charged oppressive silence. Alice and Jasper's faces were identical masks of chagrin, though Alice's stance suggested a little more defiance, where as Jasper's was passive and placidly cautious.

As if the silence was too much to bear for him any longer, a nervously fidgeting Emmett, blurted out suddenly from his place next to Bella, "Edward! My man! What brings you here?"

From the corner of her eye, Bella caught Alice roll her eyes exaggeratedly as Jasper smiled without humor. Sliding her eyes to Alice's face, Bella searched frantically for any sort of direction from the pint-sized girl, pleading with her silently to give her an indication as to what to do. It felt wrong, but after everything she'd overheard, Alice almost felt like an ally, the only one she had.

The urge to kick herself for even thinking something so blasphemous was overwhelming. She'd spent the last three years damning every member of the Cullen family to all nine circles of Hell, hating them for leaving Forks, for leaving her. To so quickly turn to one for guidance was a sinful contradiction to that sentiment. It was inexcusable and yet, it was what it was. She was cornered by the one person she wasn't ready to see, wasn't ready to face, if she'd ever be ready to face him, that is, and Alice was there, claiming she wanted to help her. Bella would willingly accept help from just about anyone at this point, if that meant they'd get her away from _his_ presence.

Sensing Bella's eyes on her, Alice glanced in her direction, making eye contact for the barest of seconds, before looking away again quickly. Almost growling in frustration, Bella glared hard at her, mentally lynching the in-oh-so-many-ways traitorous sprite.

_Are you really leaving me hanging!? _She thought viciously. _I need you!_

Before she had even completed the internal rage, she saw Alice shift her head side-to-side the slightest of movements. Had she not been staring so intently and plotting the demise of the immortal Benedict Arnold, Bella would have surely missed it.

Though the motion was almost non-existent, it conveyed Alice's message clearly: _'I'll handle this.'  
_

_Fine by me_, Bella agreed privately. _Have at it._

Through all of this, no one spoke a word or moved a muscle. The tension filled silence continued to stretch between them, rolling in waves, mocking, daring them to make a move. Finally, Emmett cleared his throat loudly. The sound was deafening after so long of absolutely nothing.

"Right, so - - this is only a little awkward," he observed out loud, glancing at each of them in turn.

Jasper snorted appreciatively, only to look sheepish a beat later as Alice shot a hard look in his direction.

"To answer your question, Emmett," Edward said quietly from the doorway, his mellifluous voice gliding over Bella's skin like silk and sandpaper, soothing and burning all it once. "I talked to your wife."

Drawing in a ragged breath, Bella let her eyes slide closed. The sound of his voice flowed over her and through her veins like a drug, tearing jaggedly at the seams of her very soul as it went. Her memories had not done it justice, had not accurately captured the pure musical beauty of it; the way it rang not only in her ears but in her very heart. She felt her knees giving way beneath her and she had to fight to remain upright. In the deepest part of her mind, she had always assumed if she ever ended up in the same room as this solid ghost from her past, his presence alone would be enough to heal the hole that had been violently torn within her.

She now found that notion to be so far off base, it seemed impossible she had ever been foolish enough to entertain it.

Not only was the wound still present, it felt cruelly larger. So incredibly large in fact, she was sure the pain of it would all but destroy her from the inside out. Blazing hot flames of pain licked at her insides, consuming and branding her soul.  
_  
I'd actually welcome death, twice over, if it meant I didn't have to feel this._

She could feel four sets of eyes boring into her through the fire and hesitantly, she opened her own, meeting and locking onto Alice's widened and panicked gaze.

Alice seemed to be trying to convey something to Bella with pointed looks. Bella felt a surge of panic, wondering what she had missed.

"Bella," came his voice from directly behind her, softly, begging her to look at him with just his tone.

Silently she refused, cursing herself for the shiver that ran up her spine in response to his nearness. She kept her eyes trained on Alice's face in front of her, her own a mask of alarm and pleading.

"Bella, please," he begged with her, his voice soft, alluring and persuasive.

Alice shook her head slightly at Bella once again, and Bella nodded back in response. They were on the same page at least, the two of the them, though their reasons may have differed greatly.

_I can't give in_, Bella thought frantically, irrational panic creeping into her throat. _I can't look at him._

"Why not!" he suddenly protested loudly, not so much a question, as it was a demand for an answer.

Bella jumped, startled, thinking for certain he'd somehow managed to hear her.

"Damn," Alice cursed under her breath.

"Alice, enough games! It's bad enough I had to find out about this little rendezvous from Rosalie! Tell me what's going on!" Edward demanded.

_Oh, he heard_ her, Bella realized, giddy with relief.

"Jasper," Alice implored, ignoring Edward's low growl at her choice of audience. "Why don't you and Emmett take Bella downstairs and get her something to eat? The hotel has a restaurant."

"Bella, go on with them. Get whatever you'd like. Don't worry about it, okay? I'll pack up here and meet you down there once I'm done. We'll check out and go from there, alright?" Alice narrowed her eyes marginally, silently warning Bella to comply with her.

Bella nodded numbly just as Edward exclaimed, "NO!"

"Edward," Alice said, warning thick in her voice.

"No, Alice! I don't understand why you're doing this, but I want to know what's going on!" Edward managed to sound so desperate, Bella felt her paper-thin resolve wavering. Fleetingly, she wondered how Alice could stand firm in her own.

"Right," Jasper piped up suddenly. "We'll just be going."

He jerked his head in Emmett's direction, giving the giant of a man a silent order. Emmett seemed to understand the wordless communication perfectly. Closing the gap between them, Emmett grasped Bella gently by the elbow and guided her slowly around to face him fully, her back still to Edward. Glancing up, Bella searched Emmett's face for an explanation, but he kept his gaze above her head, his eyes narrowed to slits, his jaw visibly clenched. He nodded once as she watched before carefully pulling her around to the other side of his body. A second or so later, she felt a calming presence on her right, a sure sign Jasper had stepped forward to take up position. The two men effectively flanked her, and while the action seemed extreme, as she was sure Edward posed no physical threat, Bella found she was grateful for it never the less.

Keeping a firm but gentle grip on her elbow, Emmett lead the trio towards the door. Bella kept her eyes planted on her feet, sure that Edward would make at least an attempt to stop their exit.

Whether he'd decided against it on his own, or had heard a warning from one of the other three vampires in the room with him too low for her own ears, Bella wasn't sure. They were able to make it to the door without confrontation, however.

She could feel Edward's eyes burning into her back, begging her silently to turn and face him. Like a coward, she ignored him, letting herself be guided into the hall by the two people she had verbally assaulted only yesterday.  
_  
I'm a fucking hypocrite_, she thought, echoing her decision from the night before.

_No, I'm worse than a hypocrite. I'm a hypocrite and a coward_, she mentally corrected.

The dull click of the door behind her, resonating with its agreement, echoed loudly in her ears as the three of them made their way towards the elevators.

* * *

**AN:** *backs up, holding hands up sheepishly* Okay Okay Okay. I know. I'm horrible. I'm a piece of shit. There's really no excuses for how BLOODY LONG it took for me to get this out. I know. It's been.. effing MONTHS since I've last updated. I offer you now a shitty excuse and a peace offering for those of you who haven't given up on me. Quite simply? Life has SUCKED lately. Seriously. It's been, well, just downright shitty. I won't get into the whole woe-is-me story, but believe me when I say, shitty doesn't begin to cover it. I couldn't even attempt to write this. Honestly, I probably just would have had Edward kill off Bella in a fit of rage in this chapter had I even attempted to go in and edit everything Liz had sent me back. It was bad. I started working full time on my manuscript, leaving the world of FF behind for a bit, while I attempted to process everything that was happening in my real life.

But, things are better now. Life's slowly going back to normal and I'm not feeling quite so emo nor fictionally murderous. I feel like I can FINALLY continue what I started all those many long months ago. And I have to. This story has been a thorn in my side since I stepped away from it.

Because of that, I'm setting up a _tentative_ updating schedule. Every Sunday, babies. It's by no means iron-clad, because, well, I have a two year old and a grandmother I'm helping to take of that are both pretty demanding. HOWEVER! If I can't get an update out on Sunday because of one of the two of them, I PROMISE to have it out no later than Tuesday.

Also, I'm going to be flying solo for a little while, so if my writing starts slipping or reads rusty, I apologize in advance. *looks down and kicks at imaginary rocks* I went MIA from my beta/guru and my trusty second-in-command/pre-reader has no internet at the moment. From this point on, feel free to correct any typos, grammatical errors, over all clusterfuckedness that you happen to spy. Actually, always feel free to do that, but especially so now.

And, that's about it folks. Sorry for the ungodly wait and the ungodly a/n. Keep the stones you throw at me on the small side. I bruise easily.

REVIEWERS GET MORE GROVELING AND GENERAL ASS KISSING!!


	16. Chapter 16

**DISCLAIMER: SM OWNS TWILIGHT. **

Now that I'm losing hope  
And there's nothing else to show  
For all of the days that we spent  
Carried away from home

Some things I'll never know  
And I had to let them go  
I'm sitting all alone feeling empty

-_Pressure_ - Paramore.

* * *

_This has to be some sort of fucked up dream_, Bella decided dimly as she scanned the room she had just walked into.

Located off the posh lobby, the hotel's restaurant sported a classy interior that reeked of luxury. Bella had been expecting something along the lines of a continental breakfast, perhaps a makeshift buffet set up in an unused conference room. What she hadn't been anticipating was a bustling, high-end diner crowded with professional looking people clad in business suits, carrying briefcases or talking in hushed, hurried tones on BlackBerry's.

_Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore. _

Was it really just last night that she'd been standing in the middle of her mediocre-at-best kitchen? Staring at cupboards that could have benefited from a coat of paint? Looking around at her vastly different surroundings, Bella wouldn't have argued if someone tried to tell her she'd been transported to another dimension and not just an upper-class hotel in downtown Seattle.  
_  
This must be what the Twilight Zone feels like_, she thought as Emmett tugged on her elbow gently, leading her to a booth in the far corner of the room. After depositing her into one of the high backed, dark leather upholstered seats, Emmett sat down opposite her, smiling widely.

"Where's Jasper?" she asked him hollowing, noting for the first time that they were missing a member of their unlikely trio.

"He's getting you something to eat," Emmett replied with a casual shrug.

An absurd image of Jasper strolling back into the kitchen, whistling as he prepared a plate of bacon and eggs flashed through her mind. The idea should have amused her greatly, but instead, she found that she was too busy rehashing everything that had just taken place upstairs. A headache, harsh and unforgiving, was starting to form behind her eyes as she viciously struggled to latch onto one of the many thoughts buzzing through her head demanding attention. Everything around her felt surreal, the chatter from the other patrons, the clatters from the kitchen, the smells of various cooking foods and she fought to process it all. She realized she wasn't going to be able to make sense of anything in her current state of mind, but it didn't stop her from attempting to, from trying to find some sort of foothold to grasp on to, and use it to help her better understand everything that was happening.

"Hey, are you okay?" Emmett asked suddenly, startling Bella out of her reverie.

Focusing her eyes on Emmett's hawking frame, she nodded slowly before redirecting her gaze to the impassive granite tabletop. She could feel her hands twisting themselves in her lap as she mulled over his question internally.

_Am I okay? Have I ever been okay? How can I be okay now?_

Edward Cullen was currently three floors above her and while the thought was enough to leave her breathless, it was almost more terrifying than knowing that back at home, Jacob was more than likely in a frenzy over her disappearing act. Sure, Jacob was the one that forced her into this predicament by taking the 'Bella-As-A-Personal-Punching-Bag' concept to a whole new level last night and her homecoming was apt to reap even more grisly results, but it was Edward who held the most power to hurt her.

_I can handle the fists. It's the rejection that is going to hurt the most_, she realized dejectedly.

She felt a sense of tranquility wash over her, intruding but welcomed at the same time. Jerking her eyes up, she was met with the sight of Jasper's kind and hesitant smile. She hadn't been aware that he had returned to the table. Bella struggled to smile back at him, a knee jerk response ingrained into her, but the returning expression got lost somewhere along the way.

"Where's the chow?" Emmett asked Jasper, sliding over in his seat to make room for the blond haired man.

Jasper visibly had to tear his gaze away from Bella's, a pained look marring his face.

"Oh, they're bringing it," he answered as he slid in to the booth next to Emmett. "Apparently someone normally comes around and takes an order for you. I had to recover from my ignorance quickly, but I managed to do so without raising serious suspicion."

Emmett snorted loudly.

"Nice. Wish getting food was that easy for us."

Jasper nodded distractedly. Turning back to face Bella, he lowered his voice.

"Bella, are you all right?"

"I'm fine," she answered hoarsely. Judging by the look in his eyes, Jasper wasn't inclined to believe her. Before he could press the issue further, Emmett cut in, taking the attention off of her momentarily.

"Hah! He got her there!" he exclaimed with mirth.

Bella and Jasper both turned to look at him.

_Who is he talking about?_

"Alice knows what she's doing, Emmett. Edward will come to realize that in time," Jasper interjected evenly.

"You're only saying that because she'll put a no entry sign on the magic box if she hears you say something different," Emmett protested.

"The -- what?" Jasper asked confused.

"The magic box. You know --" Emmett waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Jasper rolled his eyes, biting back a grin.

"Really, Emmett? The magic box?"

"Yeah, dude. Face it. You're whipped."

"Like you're not?" Jasper asked, amused.

"Ah, hell naw," Emmett said seriously. "Rose knows who the man is. Just -- you know, don't tell her I said that, okay?"

Jasper chuckled appreciatively before turning back to Bella.

"You're nervous," he insisted, as if he was trying to convince her otherwise. As if he needed to. "You're scared. Why? We won't let anything happen to you. I know certain events in the past might have you doubting that, but Bella, I assure you --"

Bella held up one handing, cutting him off wordlessly. She knew where he was going and didn't need to hear it. Didn't want to hear it.

"I'm fine," she said softly, knowing he could feel otherwise, but needing to say it out loud if only for her own sake.

Jasper looked deeply, and rightly, skeptical, but didn't push it. It was just as well. Bella was in no mood to talk about her feelings, to lay them out on the table and dissect them like some absurd and perverse junior high science project. She had more pressing matters on her strained and tired mind. Matters that took precedent over debating how she really felt.

Upstairs. It all came back to upstairs. Three floors above them stood the one person she had resigned herself into believing she would never see again and now, like an exquisite nightmare plucked straight from her most deeply buried dreams, he was there and there for her.

But why?

That was the question, the million dollar one. Edward was back and his motives behind it were just as abstruse as he was.

She longed to believe that he was back because he loved her. He was there to rescue her like a gallant knight or an avenging angel and she was the damsel-in-distress. He would whisk her away into the night and save her from everything her life had become. With everything in her, she wanted to believe that. Every breath that left her lungs, every beat of her heart. But she couldn't, no matter how much she longed. How could she, after all? He'd been gone for three years. Three long, silent, heart wrenching years. He had told Alice not do _something_. Something concerning her. It didn't matter what that something was, exactly. The fact remained he wanted no part of her life after he left, nor did he want his family to. That spoke volumes, volumes that he hadn't bothered speaking since he left her standing in those woods behind her father's house.  
_  
But he's back now_, her subconscious argued treacherously. _Surely that must mean he cares on_ some _level_.

She swatted that thought down quickly.

Edward didn't care. Not on the level she did. Not like she needed or wanted him to. He was there out of a sense of obligation, Bella was as sure of that as she was her own name. He was there because he knew something was wrong, something was amiss. His family was divided over that something, Jasper and Alice's earlier conversation had indicated that much strongly enough, and he knew she was at the center of it.

Maybe he knew. Maybe he had heard it from one of his family members thoughts or Rosalie had told him what she knew and he had come to assess the situation for himself, decide how much guilt he wanted to feel, if any, before washing his hands clean of her once again.

It would make perfect sense. In fact, the longer Bella stewed it over, ignoring the two men across from her as she did so, the more convinced of it she became.

He was there to walk away again.

They all were.

So lost in her thoughts as she was, she didn't notice that the waiter had come and gone, leaving behind a heaping plate of food. It was Emmett who finally brought her attention to it.

"Yo, Bella," he verbally prodded her. "You gonna eat that or what?"

Bella started and glanced at him, her eyes looking but not truly seeing. She was lost in her own world, her revelation bringing on a new set of questions and decisions.

What did she do now? Where did she go? Where _was_ there to go?

Trusting the Cullens didn't seem like much of an option. Not when they were going to abandon her again, and they would. There was no doubt to that. That's what they did, what _he_ did in particular. So where did that leave her?

_I'm going to have to go back,_ she realized with a dread so heavy it settled into the pit of her stomach like a brick. _I'm going to have to go back to Jake_.

Why the fuck did she leave in the first place, then? She couldn't help but regret her decision from the night before. If she had just stayed, hid somewhere until Seth had calmed Jacob down, she would have been better off in the long run. She wouldn't have to face going back to him alone, with no buffer in between them. Last night she had had an ally, someone who was there to stop Jake before things went any further than they already did. But she hadn't though everything through. She had reacted on instinct and all she'd accomplished was prolonging the inevitable and making everything so much worse.

Jacob was going to be furious. Jacob was going to be beyond furious and they'd be alone.

It was enough to make her reconsider the Cullens.

"Dude, what's wrong with her?" She heard Emmett ask sounding slightly panicked.

Well, almost reconsider.

"Shut up," Jasper answered him, his voice strained. "Bella, you need to eat something, okay?" he said to her.

She nodded mechanically.

"God, Jazz, do you blame her for not wanting to touch it?" Emmett asked in what he probably assumed was a whisper. "It looks fucking disgusting."

"It's a breakfast platter," Jasper defended half heartedly. "Keep your voice down."

"I am," Emmett replied. "And I'm stating the obvious here. I don't know why anyone would touch this shit. What's that brown thing? It looks like something a human would excrete, not fucking eat."

"Emmett!" Jasper all but hissed. "Shut it."

Emmett grumbled in response, but said nothing further loudly enough for Bella to make out.

She watched and listened to this from some place far away, not able to focus around the reeling thoughts racing through her mind. She had to make a choice and come to terms with it, but neither option felt promising.

Jasper continued to try to negotiate with her, pleading almost for her to eat _something_, anything. She was vaguely aware of finally lifting a forkful of eggs to her mouth that tasted strongly of sawdust, indecision and regret just to shut him up. It was enough to make her gag.

To the best of her knowledge, he never altered or manipulated her emotions, something that would later surprise her when she thought back on that awkward breakfast date. Jasper left her to feel every bit of panic, alarm, dread, fear and desperation. He didn't put a stop to her bitterness, to her suspicion, to her loathing or to her terror. Maybe he was reluctant to attempt it after she had blown up on him the day before for doing just that. Maybe he had been told not to.

A considerable amount of time passed. How much, Bella couldn't be sure. Time had no meaning to her, no bearing. She was only aware that it was passing, not how much that it was. The once full diner became mostly barren, only a few stragglers remaining. In front of her, the plate of food sat mostly untouched, something that Jasper found so distressing, it rolled off of him in waves. Or perhaps that was an echo of her own distress, reflected back to her. It was hard to tell.

She was staring vacantly at the space between Jasper and Emmett, listening to them speak in broken and fragmented whispers and hums, when she felt it. The electrifying, high voltage tingle that ran up her spine, an indication that they were about to be joined. She looked down immediately, hiding her face from view.  
_  
Maybe I should let him see_, she thought numbly. _Give him a reason to leave quicker._

She couldn't do it, though. Her pride, or something akin to it, prevented her from meeting that scorching topaz gaze head on. When he left again, she didn't want him to remember her this way. If he remembered her at all.

"Well, everything's taken care of," Alice trilled with false cheer as they drew closer to the table where Bella, Jasper and Emmett were seated. "Bella, are you through? We can leave whenever you're ready."

"I think Bella should eat a little more," that velvet voice said quietly. Bella bit her lip at the feel of sandpaper that scraped along her insides at the sound of it.

"I'm done," she said to Alice, outwardly ignoring the other.

"Alright, then we'll go." There was a pregnant pause. "Jasper, you and Emmett can ride with Edward. Bella and I are going to go on ahead and I'll let you know where to meet me later."

Bella heard Jasper agree just as Alice, the grasp was too tiny to be anyone else, took her elbow lightly.

"Come on, Bella," she whispered close to her ear. "I've got you."

The last sentence seemed to have a double meaning, one that Bella didn't comprehend. She rose slowly, careful to keep her face hidden, and allowed herself to be dragged away, three sets of eyes on her back the entirety of her departure.

The lobby was packed with departing guests as Alice and Bella made their way through it towards the elaborate double doors that led to the outside. Bella had a brief paranoid thought as they walked, that she'd be recognized, that Jacob or another member of the pack would be waiting to ambush her as she walked past, but they made it out and into the waiting car without incident.

Alice started driving almost as soon as she slid behind the steering wheel, blessedly silent, allowing Bella to think without interruption. They'd been on the road for ten minutes when Alice turned to her suddenly, smiling wanly.

"Here," she said, handing Bella a strip of paper. "Take this. Keep it on you."

Bella took the proffered strip, glancing down at the elegant script with confusion.

"It's my phone number," Alice explained. "Call at any time. No matter what. I'll be there immediately."

Bella looked up at her, arching an eyebrow in question.

"You want to go back," Alice answered the unspoken inquiry. "You made up your mind when we got in the car."

Bella nodded, not realizing she had until it was spoken out loud.

"I'll take you," Alice continued. "I don't want to, but I will. You have to promise to call me if you need anything though, Bella. Anything at all."

Bella glanced back down at the paper before nodding once again and slipping it into the front pocket of her jeans. She wouldn't call. They'd just let her down.

"Oh, and Bella? We'll be checking in on you."

The statement hung in the air like both a threat and a vow as they continued driving, back towards Forks, back towards the darkness that was waiting for her.

* * *

**AN: **EARLY! I got it out EARLY! And this is a big deal, I need everyone to know this. My two year old has been especially demon-esque this week, so getting this typed up, edited and out early is a HUGE THING.

I don't like this chapter, I'm going to say that right now. Not that I'm not pleased with the quality (I'm not) or what happens (I'm not happy about that either) .. I just don't like it. So if you don't like it either, don't feel bad. Transition chapters suck, and to me, that's what this is. Not to mention, Bella was close.. she had a way out right there, but she chose to go back. Before anyone says anything, IT HAS TO HAPPEN. I know how bad it sucks. It would be unrealistic for Bella to jump at the opportunity to leave Jake with our favorite Vamps, however. Can you really blame her? She might be miserable at home, and rightly so, but she doesn't trust the Cullens.

NOW!! I have a bribe for you all. If you leave me a SIGNED (After all, I can't send something to nowhere) review (yes, I'm whoring myself out again.. deal.) I will send you an out take OF YOUR CHOOSING! I have a shit ton of out takes typed up that I was thinking of making into a separate story, but the ALWAYS SUPER AMAZING Liz talked me out of it awhile back and I listen to her without question, because, well, she's my guru. So, instead of an out takes story, I'll use it for leverage. You can pick between **Edward/Alice** (in the hotel room while Bella, Jasper and Emmett are downstairs in the diner), **Jasper/Alice/Emmett** (this would be the scene from chapter.. eight? I think. When Bella is driving away from Emmett and Jasper after Port Angeles.) OR! **Jacob. **Your choice, babies.


	17. Chapter 17

**DISCLAIMER: SM owns Twilight. I own a Blackberry that is malfunctioning on me slightly. Or, at least, my gmail app is.**

What do I do to ignore them behind me?  
Do I follow my instincts blindly?  
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams?  
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?  
Do I sit here and try to stand it?  
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?  
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,  
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?  
Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin  
I make the right moves but I'm lost within  
I put on my daily facade but then  
I just end up getting hurt again  
By myself

- _By Myself_ -** Linkin Park**

* * *

Liminal.

It was a word Bella learned in tenth grade English back in Phoenix.

Liminal is neither here nor there, but exists in between one moment and the next. It's that pause in between what's already passed and what's coming.

People can be liminal. That teenager that was currently caught in between childhood and adulthood, with a foot on each side of the blurred county line running between them. Illegal immigrants, transgender, bisexuals are all liminal beings. Places can be liminal. Airports, hotels or bus stations, where people constantly come and go, but never linger for very long are all liminal. Weather can be liminal, in the eye of the storm, or the calm before it. Time can be liminal. Twilight is a liminal time, the pause between day and night. Noon and midnight are both liminal, the transition between morning and afternoon and between evening and morning respectively.

Bella's entire world was currently liminal. She was caught in between.

A month had passed since the day Alice had brought her home from Seattle. Hours had blurred into days that had slid into weeks seamlessly. Each second that had passed between the minutes ticked achingly slow, like blood pumping against her temples, chipping at her sanity as she teetered poised on the edge of destruction.

Jacob hadn't been home that first day when she returned, much to her relief. There was no scene when she walked through the front door, dressed in unfamiliar clothes and reeking of vampires. She had had time to shed her clothing, bury it into the back of the closet and get into the shower before he came strolling in from work.

And there was no fight. No questions. No accusations.

Jacob had been uncharacteristically subdued, meek even. Apologies had poured from his lips as he watched her dry herself off, his eyes raking over her damp body out of habit rather than the usual possessive hunger. He'd seen the light, he vowed. Things would be different, including his drinking. He didn't blame her for leaving, he assured. He was just glad she had found it in her heart to come back.

The words had been pretty, even without conviction, when spoken in a voice of someone other than Jake. He had delivered the lines as if he were merely repeating them, as if he were reading them straight from a cue card. Dull and flat, with no real emotion behind them. Bella knew she would be worse than a fool if she allowed herself to truly believe the unconvincing act, but she couldn't help the faint stirring of hope that took hold within her. It wasn't impossible for Jake to change, to return to that simple, kindhearted boy that had picked up the shattered pieces of her heart all those years ago. Maybe he had seen the error of his ways. Maybe that latest bout of violence had been the catalyst needed to spark his change. Maybe his eyes had been opened sometime after she fled into the night away from him.

In the days that followed, Jacob had stuck to his oath with a flair he didn't normally possess. Sure, he'd made similar promises in the past, but never before had he committed himself to them so thoroughly. As that first week came and went, Bella found herself growing increasingly impressed. Not so much as a harsh word left his mouth and if a drop of alcohol passed his lips, he kept it carefully hidden. Gone were the days he would come stumbling in drunk long after he was supposed to be home from work. The new Jake was almost pleasant to be around, something that previously had felt impossible. He joked and laughed frequently again and was quick to lend a hand around the house without being asked. He didn't pressure Bella for sex, and more than once he surprised her with a thoughtful gift or act.

It was like living with a whole different person. The new Jake, vastly different from the old one, better than the original.

It was unreal.

Jacob wasn't the only one making good on his promises, much to Bella's dismay. She had no clue how her number had been uncovered and Alice Cullen wasn't to quick to divulge her secrets.

"What's life without a little mystery?" she had asked with a tinkling laugh after Bella had questioned her for the third consecutive time.

"Life without mystery is just life, Alice," Bella had informed her flatly. "That's all. Just life."

"I remember a girl who used to like a little mystique," Alice had responded.

"That girl hadn't known any better," Bella had replied. "She hadn't grown up yet. She was easy to impress."

When they hung up, always with Alice promising to call again soon, Bella was careful to delete the treacherous number from her phone's call log. Her cell was used primarily as Jacob's direct line to her; it was rarely used for anything else. The fact that Alice called it so freely was disconcerting at best. Bella couldn't help but dread the day Alice slipped up and called when Jacob was present.

The idea terrified her. It kept her awake long after Jacob's breathing had evened out next to her at night. What would she say if that day ever came? How could she play it off? There was no reassuring answer. There was no answer period. If that day came, she was screwed. Logically, she knew it would be smarter, safer, if she told Alice to forget her number, to stop calling, but something held her back. No matter how much she talked herself into severing that tie, every time the phone rang, she snatched it up, the rehearsed words forgotten until the call had ended. She was holding on against rhyme or reason. She was holding on even though it meant she was playing with fire and would end up burned in the end. She knew this, yet was still powerless to stop it.

Instead, she tried to take more proactive measures to conceal her secret correspondent. She kept her phone with her at all times and purged the call log every couple of hours, whether Alice had called that day or not. She became obsessive about checking, often walking into another room while Jacob was home to make sure she hadn't missed a call, or God forbid, a text message.

If Jacob had any suspicions as to what was going on behind his back, he didn't voice them. He seemed blissfully unaware, not even batting an eye when Bella took her phone to bed with them on more than one occasion. As the weeks passed, Jacob remained ignorantly in the dark, something that should have had Bella patting herself on the back for her successful dabble in the fine art of stealth. She should have been relieved. Her confidence in herself should have grown.

She wasn't, and it didn't.

Instead, Bella felt as if she was always on the verge of being discovered. All it would take was one misstep, one wrong move and the peace she had grown to know over the last few weeks would crumble around her. By attempting to betray Jacob, she was going to betray herself. With devastating results.

Perhaps it was the paranoia, the knowledge that she was only a breath away from being discovered, that was turning her into a mild schizophrenic. The thinly veiled hysteria that had taken refuge inside of her, implanting itself beneath her flesh, crawling along her bones, bubbling just under the surface, that made her see things that couldn't be there. Surely Jacob would smell a 'bloodsucker' if it was in close proximity to the house. There was no way the rippling shadows could be one of them. There was no way they could be lurking in the tree line after dark had fallen. If Jacob didn't detect their presence, there was no possibility that she could. Every flash of silver she caught in her peripheral vision when she was leaving a store couldn't be that same Volvo. And even if it was a Volvo, Edward wouldn't the only one in the state of Washington that drove one. And, who's to say he even had the same car after all these years? People changed, even if their anatomy didn't. There was no reason to keep glancing over her shoulder every time she left the house, no reason to jump at every unfamiliar sound. She could chastise herself logically in the back of her mind, but no matter how much she insisted to herself she was being foolish, she couldn't shake the feeling of watchful eyes upon her that haunted her everywhere she went.

Liminal.

She was caught in that space in between, a sick and twisted limbo, as the days wore on.

It was almost a month later that she found herself musing about time and random words from her high school vocabulary list as she washed the dishes from breakfast after Jacob had left for work. Exhaustion had settled in, laid down roots in her body; the sleepless nights spent agonizing over her choices wearing on her. Her hands moved in the soapy water out of habit, scrubbing without conscious thought as she gazed out of the window directly over the sink. The waiting on pins and needles for the other shoe to drop, for something to give, was oppressive; it weighed her down. She felt like a shell of a person, going through the motions without thinking, without feeling anything aside from a sense of impending doom.

The foreign purr of a finely tuned engine caught her attention, her hands stilling in the tepid water. A streak of yellow came into view, as out of place on the lower middle class street as the person behind the wheel, easing down the street hesitantly as though it knew it didn't belong.

There it was. The other shoe.

_Keep driving, keep driving, keep driving_, she chanted in her mind.

The car slid to stop directly in front of her house, causing Bella's breath to hitch. As she watched, Alice's tiny figure emerged, glancing in each direction rapidly. They moved at the exact moment, Alice a step towards the door and Bella a step away from it. This was it. The planets had finally aligned and her downfall started now. Someone would see. Jacob would return. Everything she had worked so hard to hide would be brought to light.

Alice continued to advance towards the door, her steps lithe, her arms swinging lightly at her sides. If she knew of Bella's consternation inside the house, she showed no outward signs of it. Bella watched, horror struck, as if in a trance. It was like a scene from a nightmare. All that was needed to complete it was for Jacob to pull up in his truck and catch Alice in the act of infiltrating his home. Panicked thoughts raced through her head, her heart pounded furiously in her chest, beating a brutal tattoo against her ribs.

_Shit Shit Shit. _

It wasn't until Alice's little hand was poised to knock that Bella broke free of the spell binding her in place. Suds dripping from her hands, she raced to the front door, determined to beat the knock. The sound would be like a gavel, alerting the neighbors to her treason as it sounded against the podium with judgment. She couldn't let herself hear it. Someone would hear. Someone would see and the consequences would be too steep to pay.

Ripping open the front door, Bella stared wide eyed at the smiling black haired girl on her stoop.

"You have to come with me," Alice informed her before she even had a chance to open her mouth. "I'll bring you right back, if that's what you want." She didn't look pleased about it.

Without another word, she spun on her heel and headed back towards the car, leaving Bella to catch up or shut the door and move back in the safe confines of her house. Hesitating slightly, Bella glanced to her left, then her right, contemplating. Getting into that Porsche would be sealing her fate, whatever that fate may be.

"You coming, Bella?" Alice called over her shoulder, her voice like bells.

Looking back into the house, with the sparse furnishing and that worn carpet, Bella chose.

She shut the door, following Alice down the front walk.  
_  
Consequences be damned._

* * *

A/N:_  
_**QUICK PSYCHOLOGY LESSON:** Schizophrenia as defined by wiki_ (which I normally hate, but we'll use it for this example and pretend I don't have deep and true hatred for the mediocre excuse for an encyclopedia.): _**Schizophrenia** is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a mental disorder characterized by abnormalities in the perception or expression of reality. It most commonly manifests as **auditory hallucinations**, **paranoid or bizarre delusions**, or disorganized speech and thinking with significant social or occupational dysfunction.

The more you know and all that.

ANYWHO!

Chapters a little late, I apologize, those of you that got replies (and out takes) later on in the game know why. The Swine has struck and it hasn't been pretty. The boy child and I are on the mend, but it's been slow business hence the lateness of this chapter.

IN OTHER NEWS!! My guru and super amazing pre-reader/beta/VIP-omigosh-i'm-obsessed-with-everything-she-does **Lizbit** has forgiven me for the fail that dominates my life and has taken me back under her wing. Awesomeness has ensued and I'm back to openly worshiping the ground she walks on. Not that it was ever a secret, but it feels more epic to declare it like that. So yeah, no more flying solo and expect great[er than I could ever hope to accomplish on my own] things.

Reviewers get another outtake. Pick from the list from the last chapter. I'm not above whoring myself out twice in a row, obviously.


	18. Chapter 18

**DISCLAIMER: SMeyer owns Twilight. I own nothing but debt. Seriously. I don't even own my kid outright.**

I see the bad moon arising.  
I see trouble on the way.  
I see earthquakes and lightnin'.  
I see bad times today.

Don't go around tonight,  
Well, it's bound to take your life,  
There's a bad moon on the rise.

I hear hurricanes ablowing.  
I know the end is coming soon.  
I fear rivers over flowing.  
I hear the voice of rage and ruin.

So don't go around tonight,  
Well, it's bound to take your life,  
There's a bad moon on the rise.

Hope you got your things together.  
Hope you are quite prepared to die.  
Looks like we're in for nasty weather.  
One eye is taken for an eye.

- _Bad Moon Rising_ - **Creedence Clearwater Revival.  


* * *

**

Alice slid gracefully behind the wheel of that gleaming yellow Porsche, starting the engine back up with one fluid movement.

Bella hesitated on the curb for a moment, taking one last nervous glance from left to right before climbing in herself. The interior, spotless and smelling strongly of leather and broken promises, looked different today somehow. Perhaps because the car was no longer acting as a knight-errant, whisking in to save her in the nick of time. Instead it served as a harbinger of destruction and disaster, much like the wisp of a girl piloting it. As Bella buckled herself in, her eyes traveled slowly over the cockpit like dashboard until they finally settled on the profile of the determined girl seated next to her.

Much like the last time, Alice seemed to be a girl on a mission. Without so much as a glance in Bella's direction, she pulled a sharp u-turn and headed towards the end of the street, her jaw ticking slightly under the pressure of where she obviously had her teeth clenched.

Without a word, Alice turned off of Bella's street, turning in the direction of town. The silent treatment did little for Bella's already frayed nerves, nor did the direction in which they were traveling. Town meant more people. More people meant a greater chance for Bella to be spotted riding shotgun in a ridiculously expensive foreign car and in the presence of 'questionable' company.

Forks was a small town. People talked. _A lot_ and one of their favorite subjects was other people. And who better to talk to than the familiar neighborhood mechanic? Especially one who was readily available. Like a bartender without the bar, or a stylist without the shears.

Just as Bella opened her mouth to voice her concerns, Alice abruptly pulled off the main road and onto a small dirt packed service trail, commonly used by the local police to camp out and wait for speeders. The sight of it sent a pang through Bella's already mangled heart.

"This will work, I think," Alice commented softly, breaking the silence between them.

She seemed to contemplate her words for a moment before continuing.

"It's coming," she stated matter-of-factly, her eyes never leaving the pitted trail in front of them.

Bella turned slightly in her seat to face Alice fully, her eyes narrowing slightly.

"What's coming?" she asked, confusion lacing her voice.

"I'm not sure exactly," Alice replied, her tone dark, the words careful and slightly defeated all at once. "It comes in bits and pieces, like a film with crucial scenes cut out. I can't see much, but what I do see.. it's -- it's not good, Bella. Not good at all."

Bella's breath caught forcefully in her throat, her mind and stomach rolling and churning simultaneously.

"You have to give me more than that," she forced herself to choke out after a silent, terse minute.

The sense of impending doom, of fire and brimstone, of destruction and annihilation, ever present as of late, clawed its way up her chest. Sinking its mutinous talons in, it settled heavily in the space her lungs normally occupied, forcing them back sharply against her ribcage.

"I know it's Jacob, Bella." Still, Alice didn't meet her gaze. "You don't have to hide it anymore."

Bella's attention was momentarily diverted to the steering wheel, which was vibrating in Alice's grip. White knuckles strained against flawless pale skin, the tiny doll-like hands twisting slightly against the dark leather**;** the contrast between the two was extreme. Like the bleached moon against a midnight sky.

"I didn't try to hide it," Bella heard herself protesting weakly. "I just -- didn't offer it up."

"Something is going to happen," Alice continued, either ignoring Bella's feeble defense or not hearing it at all. "I'm not sure when exactly, but the time is coming. I can feel it and it's coming quickly."

Bella forced her eyes away from the hypnotizing sight of those marbled fleshed hands and back on Alice's face.

"I don't understand," she tried, her voice unfamiliar and calm. Too calm. It was the voice of a stranger. A baffled yet rational stranger who was only politely interested in the bizarre conversation at hand.

"What's going to happen?" she attempted again in that too-calm, too-rational stranger's voice.

"I don't know, Bella, and that's the most distressing part of all. I've tried piecing it all together, we all have. Edward in particular --"

"Don't," Bella interrupted in a strangled voice, in control of her own responses if only for a moment. Hearing his name was more painful than before, if it was at all possible. Being in such close proximity to him, all those weeks ago, yet still so far away, had torn at the edges of that wound in her chest, leaving it gaping and larger than ever. Hearing his name was like salt being poured unmercifully into it . "Just -- don't. Please."

Alice frowned slightly.

"Well, in any case, we've tried to put it all together, to make sense of the disjointed images, but it's been next to impossible."

Bella could feel her head shaking, whether in denial or disagreement, she wasn't sure.

"I don't understand," she said quietly. Though she did. She understood perfectly. Alice was seeing the fragmented scenes of what Bella knew was bound to happen. What she could feeling creeping along the edges of the future.

"No," she whispered, as if speaking the word out loud could change fate by sheer force of will. "No," she insisted more firmly.

"Yes, Bella." Alice's face was the picture of remorse. "Jacob is--"

"Things are different now," Bella interjected. "He's different. I didn't think it was possible, but I've seen it for myself. That last time scared him. You just saw it at its worst anyway --"

"Did I?" Alice questioned with disbelief. "I saw it at its worst? So the old marks and fading bruises --"

"He hasn't even drank since then!" Bella finished loudly.

Alice sighed and rubbed a frustrated hand over her face.

"It's the calm before the storm, I assure you." And she looked like she hated to be doing it. "Make no mistakes, Bella. That's all it is. The storm is coming and it won't be pretty. You might not weather it if you chose to stay."

The words were almost mystical, phrased like that. Like the fortune teller at the carnival that promises an early grave, but spins the message and manages to make it sound lighter than it truly was. The underlying truth was still the same, no matter what way it was worded. Death. Alice was saying through tenebrous metaphors and clever phrasing, that there was a very likely possibility that everything would come down to the 'Last Man Standing', and that person wouldn't be Bella.

"Come with me," Alice pleaded, her voice full of quiet desperation. "Please, Bella. I'll take you home, you can pack and we can just.. Leave. We'll meet up the rest of the family and we'll go away. The boys can come back later and they'll -- you won't have to worry about Jacob finding you."

The slip at the end had stuck out like a sore thumb to Bella. Alice was offering up Emmett, Jasper and .._ Edward_ as immortal hit men. She didn't come right out and say it, not in those words, but the message was still clear. They'd sneak back to Forks after the others had fled with Bella and _kill_ Jake. Kill him so Bella wouldn't have to live in fear of him tracking her. Could they know the truth? What Jacob really was? Did Alice know, have the slightest inkling, what kind of war would be started if pack blood was shed?

Could Bella live with that blood on her hands?

The stranger was back and once again answering for her. Both to the question spoken aloud and the internal one.

"No."

Alice looked as though she expected no less than that answer, yet was determined to change it.

"Please, Bella," she all but begged. "If this is about Ed -- my brother, please. I'll make him stay away for awhile. You won't have to see him until you're ready. No one will make you. You have my word."

The stranger was still calm, still in control.

"It's not Edward," it replied through Bella's lips. Nothing more. No elaboration. Just flat, deadpanned words. A stark contradiction to the tangle of emotions and turmoil waging war inside.

"Then what is it?" Alice asked, finally turning to search Bella's face. "If it's not Edward then what? You can't possibly love the mutt."

So they _did_ know. The choice in name wasn't a coincidence. Not with the way it was spat out, disgustedly, as if the word and thought behind it tasted vile. That was… interesting.

Unexpected.

Downright complicated.

They knew, yet were willing to start a war for her.

It was something to put up on a shelf and bring down later to examine. When she was alone and not surrounded by confusion.

"Aren't your visions subjective, Alice?"

Alice looked puzzled over the abrupt change in subject.

"Yes…" she answered slowly. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"So, you could be wrong," Bella pointed out.

_You're not, you're not, I know you're not. But I need you to be. I can't make a life altering decision like this. Not right now. Not spur of the moment.  
_

"Where is this coming from?"

Bella shrugged lightly.

"No, I'm not wrong, Bella. I -- I wish I was and my vision have been known to shift in the past, but this time --"

"Could be the same," Bella finished for her.

"Why are you so afraid to leave?" Alice asked sharply. "Why are you more frightened to leave than you are to stay with a monster that could very easily kill you? He's capable of it and you know it!"

Bella arched an eyebrow in response.

Alice shook her head, as if to clear her mind, reminding Bella strongly of an etch-a-sketch erasing a picture on its screen.

"Look, it doesn't matter. Just trust me. You need to get out. Come with me. In fact, forget your things. I'll buy you new stuff. We can leave right now."

"No, Alice," Bella told her, still too calmly, too rationally. "I'm not going anywhere with you. I appreciate what you did for me that night and everything since then, but I'm not leaving."

Alice looked pained at the words.

"Why? Bella, _why_?"

And suddenly, the stranger and Bella were on the same page. No longer too-calm, too-rational, detached. The stranger was as furiously indignant as the real Bella was. For someone who could see the future so clearly, Alice was blind to the past.

"I can't trust you!" she exploded, her voice amplified magnificently in the tight confines of the car. "I can't trust any of you! God knows I can't trust _him_, but the rest of you aren't any better! _You left me_. Every one of you just _left_ me."

Alice's voice matched her stature as she answered.

"We regret it. All of us. We should have talked him out of it."

"Yes! You should have! If you actually cared you should have come back!"

"Oh, Bella," Alice whispered. "Don't you see? We _are_ back."

Bella snorted.

"Out of pity and a sense of guilty obligation. I don't need your pity and you have no obligation to me. You _left_." She needed to drive this point home, make Alice see. "You didn't come back. I always knew Edward wouldn't stick around. Why would he? It never made sense for him to love me like he claimed --"

"Edward still loves you," Alice cut in quickly. "He's dying inside --"

"But _you_, Alice!" Bella exclaimed, purposely ignoring her and the shooting pains that stabbed her heart. "I never expected you to just abandon me. I needed you! You were my best friend!"

Her voice broke pitifully at the end, causing her to wince.

_There. It's all out on the table. Still want to save me now?  
_

If Alice could weep, Bella was sure she would be doing it. As it were, her delicate face was contorted, tearless sobs escaping silently. It was like watching someone on TV attempt to cry with the volume turned down.

"I _am_ your best friend, Bella," she whispered brokenly. "I want to help. I wasn't there for you before, I listened to Edward and I shouldn't have. But I'm here now and I want to help. Please, let me."

Bella turned her face away, refusing to look into those pleading abnormal eyes any longer. Her chest was heaving, burning and aching with emotion. She wanted to scream. She wanted to hit something. She wanted the physical pain, rather the ripping and tearing emotional pain she felt instead.

She wanted to kick Alice out of her own car. Anything. Anything to ease the suffering marginally.

"You're not using me to ease your guilt," she murmured, soft yet firm.

Alice's reply was just as immovable, just as vehement.

"I'm not trying to. This isn't about me, not at all."

_Go go go. Run run run. Leave.  
_

"I'm not leaving."

_Stay. Stay. Stay.  
_

"Please just think about it, Bella. Try to reconsider. Please."

"I won't."

They sat in a thick silence for a moment, Alice's eyes on Bella's profile now, while Bella stared out the window, trying her hardest to not think of Charlie. It was irrational to mourn him now, at this very moment, when there was nothing he could do to change her situation, to make it any easier or clearer.

Abruptly, Alice put the car into gear, reversing down the narrow road expertly. Bella turned and glared at her, pushing all thoughts of Charlie and anything else from her mind with force.

"Where are you taking me?" she demanded.

Alice smiled sadly at her, swinging out on the main road without breaking speed.

"Home. Like I promised. And like you were going to insist on in three minutes."

**

* * *

A/N: **I can't tell you how much I looked forward to this chapter, for the simple reason that I knew CCR was going to be the lyrical choice. Oh? What's that? My homegrown is showing again? Yeah. I know.

I want to take this opportunity to thank EVERYONE who has reviewed, alerted and favorited this story so far. Seriously. You guys are amazing and made of awesome. When I started writing this, I didn't think so many people would be on board with the plot and the angst and overall depression that this story was and it's been mind blowing to see the responses and hear from so many of you that are like: "yeah, we sorta kinda dig abused Bella and abusive Jacob, just as long as you don't kill her." I can't thank you guys enough for all the love.

We had a slight technical fail with the last chapter's reviews. I'm having huge issues with gmail right now, both on my phone and my account in general, so replies were late and as of right now, I only replied to the people that have their PMs enabled and asked for an outtake directly. I apologize! I hate doing that. I usually try to respond to every review as it comes in, a lot of times from my phone. But as apparently my phone is only receiving direct emails at the moment, I wasn't able to do it last go around. If I missed you, I'm sorry! Every review means a lot to me and I try my hardest to let you guys know it.

Once again, huge huge huge thanks goes out to **Lizbit**, whose editing skills have amped everything up a notch and I'm EXTREMELY! grateful for her.

And that's about it, gals and gals. No whorage for this chapter unfortunately. I have other out takes and general teasers, but I haven't been able to type them up thanks to the craziness that is the holidays.

Click that button and tell me how much my taste in music sucks and/or rocks. Go easy on all my Linkin, though. I love those crazy tortured boys.


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